Most of us know the story of Samson and Delilah (Judges 16), but how many of us have truly looked at both sides of the coin? On one side, we have Delilah being everything a man does not want, need, or desire in a woman. However, on the other side of the coin, we have a woman who truly understood how to touch the heart of a man. Yes, Delilah’s motives were wrong. However, she taught something very powerful about what a man needs from a woman. Men, at our core, are simple creatures and we don’t desire much, but what we do desire must be present in the woman we choose to marry.
I want you to forget everything you know about the story of Samson and Delilah. Open your mind to understand the other side of the coin. There is wisdom and teaching moments in good and bad stories.
Here are 5 amazing things Delilah can teach you about loving a man:
1. A woman to love. A man loves to love a woman. There is nothing more meaningful to a man than loving that one special woman he chooses to share his life with. Delilah gave Samson the illusion of this type of love. Nevertheless, it shows how powerful love affects a man.
2. An intimate and physical relationship. As I’ve stated in other articles, a man is attracted to the physical aspects of a woman initially, but it ends very quickly because a man wants a deeper connection from a woman. For some men, especially those whose love language is physical touch, this quality in a woman means everything. (Click here to learn more about The 5 Love Languages: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
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3. A safe and restful place. A man needs a woman he can share his secrets and safely expose the depths of his weaknesses with. Being able to speak openly about his fears, insecurities, and life’s struggles is very important. Some men feel their worth is tied to income, careers, cars, homes, or how they treat a woman. Fair or unfair, men have societal pressures placed on them. Having that woman he can trust makes dealing with the challenges of life easier.
4. A trusting relationship. Delilah gave Samson the illusion of a trusting relationship. In the beginning of the story, it was very clear he didn’t trust her at all, but as she continued to massage and touch his heart the illusion of trust began to take hold of Samson. Although Delilah’s deception was wrong, she highlighted a key principle of loving a man. Without trust, a man will shut down and limit his output… especially if he was not properly affirmed in love as a child.
5. A place of peace. A man loves a woman who gives him a place of peace from the storms of his life. A man needs to know coming home to his wife will be a place of peace, comfort, and relaxation. Delilah gave this to Samson in her attempt to learn the secret of his anointing and strength, which we know was his hair.
Although Delilah’s motives and intent were bad in everything she was doing for Samson, we still can learn a great deal about the needs of a man. Delilah also teaches what a man definitely does not need, but… we will discuss that in a future article.
What can you learn from our bad and good relationship experiences to make us better human beings?
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What you had to say was very insightful. I appreciated “#3. A safe and restful place. A man needs a woman he can share his secrets and safely expose the depths of his weaknesses with. Being able to speak openly about his fears, insecurities, and life’s struggles is very important.” It just goes to show how vulnerable men really are despite all the displays of macho-ism or toughness that women tend to be accustomed to. At the end of the day, with all their strength and glory, men are still very soft vulnerable creatures on the inside and I think it’s important as women to remember that so that we appropiately handle our men by providing that place of SAFETY that you referenced. I think safety is created by how we as women respond to our men’s sharing of failures or weaknesses, worries/etc. The tone of our voice, the words/phrases that we use, the way we physically touch him in those moments can communicate a dearth/depth of reassurance, support, love, and commitment. Sometimes, it seems though that we as women fail more than succeed in those instances b/c of lack of experience or insensitivity or whatever other factors; but it’s important to remember to be sensitive, loving, supportive speaking positive words of encouragement and love to our men showing commitment through thick/thin no matter what! 🙂
@Namie Thank you sis…I agree with you
I tend to see articles pointing out what women shouldn’t do in a relationship rather than what we should do. A long list of don’ts doesn’t get us any closer to how to treat someone. Thank you for building based on positives and not negatives.
@Chele Thank you so much for your kind words. I am doing all I can to be different and truly serve people
I love how you reference the 5 Love Languages book, that book helped me tap into how to love my family and friends. This blog reminded me of the scripture “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope” -Romans 15:4. Thanks for the reminder!
@DiscipleSpeedyDates You are correct… great thought concept and scripture reference
Words or wisdom Q
@Shellee Thank you!
I love your articles they are very encouraging and helpful. And I agree with you on all of these but I don’t fully understand #1. Can you explain? How do you be a woman to love especially in a situation where a man just doesn’t love you or “doesn’t know how” to love?
Thank you Allysia…I am thankful for your kind words and readership
Allysia, the way I interpreted #1 is that a woman should be lovable and pleasant. Be agreeable, not just with your mate, but to all people in general. Don’t be quarrelsome or combative. Be supportive and when someone is wrong, know the right approach and do it in love. That approach could be silence, an alternative suggestion or an analysis of the activity in question. In addition to being peaceful, be proactive in your acts of kindness. Do something just to show that you care. It could be anything from a note of affirmation, a random “I love you”, a back rub after he’s had a long day at work, packing him a lunch full of his favorite snacks, etc.
AWESOME! Never looked at it from that prespective! Thanks for sharing! This was definitely an eye opener!
Thank you Maureen
We can learn so much for the other side of the story. Sometime we forget that there are lesson to be learned from ALL the characters in biblical narratives. Digging deeper will help us find nuggets of truth we never noticed before. Samson and Delilah is a great story to analyze. You’ve made some deep points!
@Pierre you are correct. I agree ..we often have a one track view of everything
This was a beautiful article, many times as with the case of Sampson and Delilah, we look @ only 1 side, true there were two, although Delilah was deceptive in her motives, she did show that if men do trust they will devulge their inner most thoughts, and love does hide a multitude of sins….
Thank you Tonya….women can learn a lot from her…everything a man needs and what he does not need ..
All five points were great. More women need to concentrate on 3,4,&5.
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For all of my Fabulous Single Ladies who are waiting for their soul mates. LOVE LOVE! =)
Hello Everyone.
Regarding : “…how many of us have truly looked at both sides of the coin? “…
A. “Yes, Delilah’s motives were wrong.”
B. “Delilah gave Samson the illusion of this type of love”
C. “Delilah gave Samson the illusion of a trusting relationship.”
D. “Although Delilah’s deception was wrong…”
Citing parts of the story above, let us first go back to what this story is regarding … looking at both sides of the coin, right?
If we are truly going to look at both sides of the coin, remember that the people of the parties are at war. Yes, at base, Samson and Delilah were at war.
Second, let us, for Heaven’s sake, remember the limited powers of women at the time this story takes place. Simply, they were property, Chattel – to be precise.
So, if Delilah was told to perform for her husband, no matter his purposes for demanding such performance, it was her duty to perform.
In this instance, she was required to use her wiley ways to put Samson in a vulnerable state; take full advantage of it, if she could.
In other words, she was good at making men feel they can “let-their-hair-down”, so to speak and no-pun intended. Samson was weak against wine, so she gave him wine. Samson was weak in the arms of a loving woman, so she gave him his loving woman. Samson probably so many fantasies, so she probably gave him oh-so-many fantasies.
And when he got tired, and trusting, he shared his secret, which was her betrayal – everything else was just use of her skills in accordance with the laws of war.
So, she cut his hair. Thus, Samson, who became partly putty-in-her-hands, and slept – was now fully putty-in-her-hands when he arose with his hair gone.
She then became Hero in the eyes of her people. Samson, their truest enemy, was now slave in their people’s lands.
Hope this helps.
PS: Remember, love thy neighbor as thyself ; put yourself in the sandles of Delilah ; walk a mile with her… However you do it, be Delilah – How would you get him?
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Totally ridiculous that women should always be on alert to what men wants? The reason why there is so much women abuse!!!! Where are the insight from men how to handle the ‘fragile’ opposite sex? Not even talking about adultery!!! Commitment through thick/thin no matter what, should come from men, as they advocate that they are the biblical leaders!! I prefer celibacy than to live with someone who always needs a mother/or help me, male!!! Romans 8:36-39
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