Have you ever made plans with someone, you were looking forward to it all week, and then (at the last minute), they cancelled on you? They just dropped you. Maybe it was because something came up, or they were just too tired, or they didn’t realize it was the season finale of their favorite show. Has this ever happened to you? More importantly, have you ever done this to someone else?
Let’s be honest, we all have selfish tendencies. It is human nature to look out for our own interests and put ourselves first; to want the best for “me” and to, subsequently, think first about “myself & I”. The tendency to occasionally have a selfish thought or to casually dismiss or minimize someone else’s feelings does not make someone a selfish person. It makes them human.
What makes a person selfish is when these tendencies go beyond occasional and end up being a consistent pattern that demonstrates a disregard for others. Whether you know selfish people or you are a selfish person, it is important that you seek to understand the profile of selfishness.
Now, here is what I want you to understand about selfish people:
1. Some selfish people are outright bad or evil – Yes; selfish people are protecting themselves and dealing with deep-rooted hurt and pain. However, some of them are willfully and intentionally seeking ways to destroy other people. They find pleasure (immense pleasure) in causing harm to others. They want others (they want you) to fail.
2. All selfish people are not bad people – Some selfish people are not necessarily always out to destroy you. They are more in for protecting and providing for themselves. Unfortunately, their focus on self can leave others behind and hurting.
3. Selfish people are not always the problem – We attract people (and types of people) into our lives for a certain reason. If you keep ending up with selfish people around you… Then you must consider that self (you) is a part of the problem. You must ask yourself… “Why am I attracting or attracted to people who exercise selfish tendencies?” Many times, you may find out that it’s because of your own hurt or pain… trying to surround yourself with selfish people for something you think you can *get* out of the situation. If that’s the case, then you are also displaying a level of selfishness.
4. Selfish people don’t change overnight – Selfishness is not something that has a quick fix. Learning to be selfless requires acknowledgement, change, healing, and growth. It also requires a level of transparency. A selfish person who is genuinely interested in changing will be honest about the challenges they are facing as they seek to grow.
5. Selfish people don’t always know they are selfish – There are some selfish people who, actually, start out with the best intentions. They put their needs and desires aside (almost sacrificially) for the greater good of others. However, when it comes to taking action, their fears and trust issues make it difficult for them to just let go. So, they respond by being controlling and, sometimes, sabotaging situations. They rationalize their actions by saying they were protecting themselves and others from harm or danger. However, the truth of the matter is, they were afraid to move forward and they projected that fear onto others. They took away the choice for everyone else to execute on what had been planned out.
Follow the Series:
•Part 1: 6 Reasons Selfishness Will Destroy Your Relationship
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