“Why am I still single? I’m a great catch.”
“Why can’t I just have one, good solid relationship?”
Many of us have seen, read, or even said some of these things. It’s perfectly normal to desire a relationship. However, sometimes our strong desire for a relationship is the very thing clouding our vision and stopping us from resolving issues and experiencing personal growth.
We must identify and fix the things that cause us to engage into fruitless relationships. We have to take an honest look at ourselves and be willing to change the things that contribute to being in a cycle of relationships that do not last. 
1.You’re too needy. Being needy will always attract the wrong people. People who love to manipulate and take advantage of this vulnerability can smell you a mile away. Learn to be healthy and whole alone with God before seeking a relationship. No man or woman can give you what Jesus can.
2. You’re selfish. Being selfish will twist your motives and focus. When you are selfish, and you focus only on your happiness and what you can gain from a person, the relationship is doomed. Relationships are about sharing and being selfless.
3. You rush into relationships. Becoming caught up in lust and emotions will always cause you to move too fast. Take your time and develop a wonderful friendship. Learn about common values and character. There is no need to rush. Take time and learn to enjoy the journey of developing a beautiful friendship before love.
4. You struggle with being happy alone. Dating to fulfill aloneness only leaves you in a cycle of hurt, pain and disappointments. It will not make you better and you will blame men or women for your failed relationships, without realizing you are the problem. Don’t date for a warm body and companionship.
5. You attract the wrong people. When we fail to admit our own deep rooted issues, we will attract what we are on the inside. We have to admit who and what we are and then seek our healing. Until we seek our healing, we will look for people to bring comfort to our wounds. Stop the cycle and begin the healing.
6. Lack of forgiveness. See my blog …..Steps to Overcoming Forgiveness and 7 Reasons why we should forgive and forget…..
7. Unrealistic expectations. We all have some level of expectations and we all should. However, your expectations should be in line with what you can actually reciprocate into the life of another. Expecting what we don’t bring to the table is selfish and shows we are expecting people to satisfy our emptiness.
Closing Thought:
Please understand singleness is not a bad thing. It is a time where we can learn and gain so much. If you are struggling with enjoying and making the most of being single, please read “9 Reasons Singleness is Good for You.” What other reasons can you add to this discussion? Please comment below.
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I don’t follow under any of those, (except for prob #5 which I feel resolved. And have taken recovery classes). My personal experience and also men in my life have given me input about my character and the person I am. It really is Gods plan to have me single for his reasons. I have never had a boyfriend and I’m 28. Some say something has to be wrong w u, but it really is Gods plan. That’s the only thing I have because
Well it’s not really a God thing, because being with someone is “your” choice and God is not going to choose your mate, but he will give you the wisdom to choose. Thus, your inability to have a relationship or lack of desire to have one speaks of deeper issues within that you have to acknowledge, admit and seek to grow above those things in your time. So the issue is with you not God…you have to interact , grow and learn things in your singleness through healthy dating. To learn more read the following: 1. https://quentinmccall.com/hide-faith-avoid-relationship/ 2. https://quentinmccall.com/23-courtship/ 3. https://quentinmccall.com/23thingsyouneedtoknowaboutdating/
Im sorry Quentin. Im going to have to disagree with you on this one. I find it rather combative that you feel that it is somehow this young lady’s fault for being single. As a Christian brother, why is it so hard to believe that maybe, just maybe, her lack of being in a relationship at the moment is not God saying “no” but “not yet”. Perhaps she has interacted with people and nothing has materialized. I understand where you are coming from but I still feel that seeking God in prayer and finding wholeness in Christ (which is a gradual journey) is the best solution.
Respectfully,
Liv B
Your assumption of what I wrote is incorrect, thus I provide the links for her to read for deeper information. Her being single is “her choice” and it’s as simple as that. Being single simply means “not married” so when I write about single that is what I mean. Most people write thinking if they are in a “relationship” it means they are not single, but that is incorrect. One is single until married…the myth of ” not right or not yet” again sounds good, but not true in every situation so neither I ,nor you can speak to that. She has to determine that for her self as she lives out her own life. God has given us two ways to live his way (perfect will) or our way ( permissive will). Meeting someone and getting married is not easy and requires various things to fall into place, thus the right time for marriage will be different for everyone. Anyone can go out out and start a “relationship” anytime, but it still doesn’t change there singleness until they say “I do.” What you fail to miss from what I wrote was based on her stating “she has never had a bf” ,thus I was writing from that point of view. Her not engaging in a relationship to learn how to date, relationship skills, interact with opposite sex, love, etc has been her choice for whatever reasons…You have a right to disagree, but you misunderstood based on single versus a BF. Singleness is “not married”…I was writing about not “ever” having a BF. Having a BF still means you are single. Blessings.
Thank you for your response Quentin. I believe my disagreement was with some the the language used in the response; not necessarily the definition of “singleness”. However, that is neither here not there. Overall, i find you blogs and podcasts very interesting and insightful. Thank you for sharing your heart with your audience.
Blessings,
Liv B
I thank God I ran across your bog. It is a blessing. I’m 30 and am just now learning to enjoy my singleness. Better late than never. I’m single for a few of the reasons listed above. :-). I’m just letting go and letting God get me together!
Gosh so much to learn and i’m only scratching the surface. I’m glad I’ve read this article before getting myself into another bad relationship and hurting them because of my own deep rooted selfishness that is often a struggle to confront. So thank you for your sound advice.