I often get questions from women who are deeply hurt or upset from the pain caused by a man. Now, I am of the belief that 90% of pain is self-inflicted from our own selfish choices, desires, and human weaknesses. However, more often than not, our selfish desires or an empty place causes us to be in the arms of people we shouldn’t be with. We have the story of wanting someone to be everything *we* wanted them to be… Instead of just allowing them to be who they are and making a choice to love them unconditionally or step aside so someone else can.
When women reach out to me about falling for the wrong man over and over again I also ask, “Have you been honest with yourself about the condition of your life and heart?” Often men and women seek the opposite sex to do what only God can do. I’ve been guilty of this myself in my life on more than one occasion. We all have the tendency to do this if we are not careful about our motives and the condition of our heart. When we are hurting or healing from another relationship, we should never attempt to be in a relationship or allow our emotions to get involved with anyone. We have to understand choosing the wrong person is on us and not on the other person. Refrain from playing victim or pointing blame, but you should always judge yourself and make the corrections to usher in a healthy and happy ending for your love. We all deserve love and those who need it the most often deserve it the least. Love like you have never been hurt and love with everything God has placed on the inside of you.
Here are a few reasons why women fall for the wrong man:
1. Ladies, you know how people always say, “Actions speak louder than words?” Well, this very saying is getting a lot of you in big trouble. Yes, actions do speak, but please understand actions also lie and in some cases lie more than words. Actions only speak louder when the heart and motives of the person pursing you is pure. If that is not the case, then what you have is manipulation and womanizing. Many men already know they can fool you with actions and words, so stop believing actions mean anything unless it’s done consistently over a long period of time. Don’t forget this consistency also includes you. Your job is not to sit around and watch what he does while you do nothing. That is selfish and speaks of fear, etc.
2. You have sex with a man and become closer to him than you really think you are. Sex causes soul ties and makes you emotional, thus you feel closer to a man than you really are. I don’t have to tell you how to avoid this mistake you, because you already know. Good or great sex will always cause a woman to be with a man longer than she should and be with the wrong man.
3. Like Eve, women are moved by beautiful things like shoes, curtains, homes, candles and a handsome man. There is more to a man than his looks. If you fall easy for nice looking men, find out why and make the correction. Shallowness will lead you to shallow men.
4. You are a 30+ year old woman who is worried about being married, having kids before a certain age, or believing the lie there is something wrong with you being single. Of course there is nothing wrong with you being single and, if you’re truly walking in faith, you shouldn’t be worried about those things. When you do worry, you will settle for the wrong man or make the wrong choice in a man because your goal is marriage and kids versus hearing from God about who is for you. This can be so psychologically and emotionally draining. So, please don’t allow this to happen.
5. You allow your self-esteem or insecurities to allow you to settle for anyone who gives you a lot of attention. A man shouldn’t have to make you feel secure in yourself or about yourself. You should feel this way because you are a child of God. I know we all have insecurities we need to grow and work on, but don’t allow them to cause you to have bad relationships, push good people away, or cause you to fall for the wrong man.
6. Thinking you can change a man is a very common mistake and it will always cause women to stay with men who have no desire to change. Keep in mind there are men who do want to change and become better men, so I am not talking about those guys. I am talking about those who have no desire for anything more than they are already doing. Nothing.
7. You are afraid of being alone so you are with men for companionship, sex, a warm body, dates, etc… Of course, when you do this, you can’t expect anything good to come from it. Thus, when something bad is the outcome, you will result to playing victim and adding to the hurt or bitterness you already carry in your heart.
Of course this is not a comprehensive list, but I pray one or two things have caused you to judge yourself and start today with attempting to become a better human being. People need your best and not your worst. In his love, Quentin
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