“I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I find anyone to love me? I’m funny. I have hobbies and interests. I’m not ugly. I’m relatively intelligent. I’m a good mother. I have a job… So, why is it so hard to find someone to share my life with?!?!”
This is just a small piece of a conversation I had with a friend regarding her state of singleness. Can you identify with anything she said?
How many times have you quietly wondered to yourself, “What is wrong with me?”,” Am I going to be alone forever?”, “All of my friends are married and having babies, is that ever going to be me?”, or how about this, “I don’t have a spouse to list as my emergency contact on my forms at work. I’m so alone.”
These, and other self-defeating statements, plague the minds and emotions of women all across this country. Often, as a result of such statements, those same women find themselves upside down in one or many toxic relationships.
One thing you may not realize about toxic relationships is this… they are addictive! Yes, toxic relationships and addiction go hand in hand. Think about it. Most of the things in our society that prove to be the deadliest to us also have addictive properties; drugs (any one you can think of), alcohol, “comfort” foods, fast food, candies / sweets, and relationships.
Toxic relationships have an addictive nature that causes you to spiral in and out of “I hate him, but I love him.” “This is horrible for me, but I’ve invested so much.” “It’ll get better” (when you know it’s not getting better, it’s getting worse). The evidence of toxicity is all around you, but you rationalize, “It’s better than being alone.”
Now, this is not to say it’s unhealthy to want a relationship. It’s a God-given natural desire to be partnered and share our lives with another person. We just have to be very careful that we are ready for what that means; that we are making a healthy, conscious choice based on truths and common values and not the misleading nature of our emotions, mainstream media (“…if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.” Sound familiar?), social tendencies, or the tons of other relentless attacks against the beauty of singleness.
Women, in particular, are anxious to marry and begin families. For the most part we are ‘trained’ for this from a very young age, and our training falls right in line with our ‘God-given hard-wiring’. Women (in most cases) are ‘hard-wired’ to love, nurture, and balance their male counterpart emotionally. Here, we see a God-given purpose for our emotions. Unfortunately, we’ve gotten into a ditch because we have allowed our emotions to guide us where they were never intended to. It was never God’s intent for your emotions to lead you. That’s His job. Think about the last time you ‘fell’ in love. Did some part of the conversation you had with your loved ones include, “He makes me *feel* so _________”? Again, it’s not wrong to ‘feel’. It’s wrong to be led by how you ‘feel’.
Ladies, you have a heart that is precious to God. God said to us specifically (through Paul), “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am” (1 Corinthians 7:8). Yes, singleness, is good. It’s a time to prepare, adore the beauty of your life, be healed, and develop into a woman who can bear the additional responsibilities of a wife.
The role of a wife (and a husband) is that of a servant. Most often, people are not seeking to serve as much as they are seeking to be served. This is backwards and is at the root of most of the marriage failures. It’s selfishness. “What I need from you…” quickly comes ahead of “How can I serve you more?” or “How can I serve you better?”
Marriage is not an arena where you want to risk failure. In as much as God is preparing you to be a gift to your mate, His gift of singleness is a gift to you as you wait. You’ll need that developed fruit of patience when marriage arrives.
About the Author:
She would like to remain anonymous…..
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