I remember being in high school and everyone always assumed it was easy for me to talk to women, because I had the attention of many of them. Little did anyone know, I was deathly afraid to approach women and got nervous anytime I had to. Even today, I would get nervous at the thought of approaching a woman. I am very introverted. So, anything requiring me to talk to people is usually something I avoid, but I force myself in terms of serving people.
I can honestly say being rejected is not something that really crossed my mind when it came to approaching women, because I never thought I would be rejected. I reasoned, if I was rejected, it was OK because not every woman was going to be open to getting to know me better. However, the fact is, this issue of men fearing rejection is very common. Many ladies wonder why the guy she gave eye contact to never approached; why the guy she had clear chemistry with never approached. Well, it could be for a variety of reasons. However, in some cases it is plain old fear of being rejected.
The very idea of men approaching women has the rejection component built into the process. Yes, sometimes there are stuck-up women who just reject men based on appearance alone. Guys need not worry about a woman like this, because most women will not be so cruel.
So how do I overcome fear of rejection?
The first thing a man should do is just relax. Often, the fear of rejection is greater than the actual rejection. You see, most women are very sweet and will let you down easy. You know the “I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend“ or “You are very kind, but no thank you” responses. So, what man can’t handle that? Yeah, there will be some who will be rude, as I stated earlier in this article, but that’s a part of approaching a woman you might be interested in. A woman letting you down nicely is not rejection at all.
Men, you have to see the beauty and value of approaching a woman and not see it as an act of rejection. Women like men who are strong, confident, in control, and have the right mixture of inner growth. What if your life changed just from having the courage to walk up and talk to the woman you are attracted to? Of course that’s just step 1 before going on the journey of getting to know one another, but it starts with the courage of making your interest known. Use that as your motivation and don’t allow fear of rejection to control you.
Being great with meeting, and getting to know, great Godly women begins with knowing how to get in touch with your emotional side and have intelligent conversation. Your fancy house, career, etc… mostly attracts all the wrong women. The right women aren’t concerned about that as much as they are about your character and the meaningful things you can offer her and she can offer you. The wrong women are only thinking about what you bring to the table and seldom do they seek to better your life or care if they offer you anything meaningful.
Men have to understand that women are flattered when they are approached respectfully by a man. Even if she has a man, it just strengthens her own relationship by telling you she is involved. Of course, if you approach a woman and later find out she has a man or is married, you know what you have. So, there is no need to say it here.
The best way to overcome this fear of rejection is to go out and approach women and keep in mind the things I’ve written in this article. Remember, you are not trying to marry her… just get to know her better for a possible friendship and, maybe, grow to something more.
In closing, I want men to understand there is nothing to fear at all. Please don’t make the mistake of trying to fill your fears or insecurities with money, cars, etc… This makes it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship when there are deep rooted insecurities masked in material items.
Blessings.
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@QuentinMcCall sometimes rejection is Gods way of protecting you.
There are basically two types of rejection (direct) which is being told “no” as when a man asks a woman to dance or go out, and (indirect) which is when a man “passes over” women to ask a particular woman to dance or go out. Both types of rejection can hurt if you want to be with that specific person. Men tend to reject women (indirectly) by NOT approaching them or asking them out.
However I don’t believe people are so much “afraid” of rejection. I’m inclined to believe people get “tired” of rejection. Just like one can get tired of losing. When someone hates something or they are tired of coming up short that’s when they stop trying. One man’s opinion! 🙂
Its hard to believe some men are afraid because they had such an air of “ego” & are so cocky…overconfidence out of this world….smh
Some men yes, but not all…..I know plenty who are. Often what you are writing about is just a facade for deep rooted insecurities.
Great article! Also what guys don’t realize that her rejection can be her testing you to see if you can handle her. This happens especially with the “high status” women who have to weed out the bad ones subconsciously because they have so many suitors surrounding them. Guys just have to go out and make as many approaches as they can until they get more comfortable talking to woman. Like Steve Harvey says… “The way guys learn how to treat a woman is to play the field”
Since you make it sound SO wonderful and terrific, let the women do the approaching . Let THEM make as many approaches as they can until THEY get comfortable talking to men. Sounds good to me.
Since it is SO wonderful and terific, let the women do the approaching as they can make as many approachs as they can until THEY get more comfortable talking to men.Sounds good to me.
No, sometimes “no” means “no”. Forget the whole “high-status” false argument! Not every woman or actually everyone is interested in mind games like playing hard to get.
I love it. That is a great word right there. You have a great wisdom sir. I totally just recently have been set free by the truth of the fear of rejection being worse than the actual rejection. Its the fear that scares us, rejection itself is nothing.
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great great articles by Quntin.i’ve really been blessed and educated. God bless Quentin Mccall…get on his blog and read too…one love
I don’t get the “stuck-up women who reject a man based on appearance alone” part. So on what ground does a man approach a woman he doesn’t know? Isn’t her appearance? So a woman doesn’t have the right to feel not interested because she isn’t physically attracted to the man? You’re right, when a man approaches a woman for the first time, it’s because of her inner beauty (and you can imagine my stuck-up self rolling her eyes)