There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
One of the most asked questions I get is “When do I know I am ready for relationship?” There is no cookie cutter answer to this, but as always I will give my perspective based on what I have been through and past suggestions that have been successful. I want to stress we all have a love tank that needs to be filled, but we don’t have fill that tank through the opposite sex in the confines of an romantic relationship. The need for companionship often leads to developing unhealthy habits that only delay having a healthy relationship partner. When you can be happy alone, then you are ready for a relationship or marriage. Here are my 8 signs you are ready for love:
1. You are free from major insecurities. Insecurities only make our relationships worse and not better. You will always have those situations where arguments and problems blow up because of insecurities. In some cases of insecurities you are only seeking the relationship because of your insecurities because it makes you feel better about yourself. I discuss this topic deeper in my blog “9 ways to overcome insecurities” click here.
2. You have healed from past pains or bitterness. When we refuse to heal and forgive we allow the person in our past to have control over us. When you forgive you release that pain and the control it has over you. Holding anger from a past relationship will only make you bitter. I discuss this topic deeper in my blog “Healing before Love” click here. If bitterness is your issue read the blog “10 steps for overcoming bitterness and resentment.”
3. You have taken responsibility for the part you played in the failure of your past relationships. We always hear people say “it was not my fault” or “he did this or she did that” the truth of the matter is that we are all participators in our pain- there are no victims. We have to always look ourselves in the mirror and ask the questions, what is wrong with me. And how can I improve to make my life better? I think we rarely see this type of deep introspection, but we often see the victim mentality. Good or bad your past relationships can make you a better person if you allow those experiences to inspire growth.
4. You love yourself. Often people don’t understand what this truly means. Loving self doesn’t mean, “ I am doing me” or “It’s all about me”; that is simply an immature and selfish thought process. Loving self means you understand your self-worth and you do things daily to improve who you are and the lives of others around you. When you love yourself, you treat people kind and you seek a mutual oneness with those connected to you. When we seek relationships without loving self, our self-worth is tied to the connection of another person. Our self-worth goes up and down depending on how the person with whom we’re connected feels about us. So, when your relationship partner puts you down you believe what they say. Develop a health self-love before seeking relationships.
5. You’re selfless and not critical. Selfish people can’t love unconditionally, period, so this is something we must be mindful of. If you are selfish, you only love in the moment and once that moment is over, you are gone. When things are hard, difficult, or not your way, you bounce as well. A critical spirit is based in pride. When we are critical, we kill the spirit of other people. Work on these things before seeking a relationship.
6. You have given yourself time to heal from past relationships. This is a huge one! I see this far too often. Give yourself time to heal before rushing into a new relationship. I’ve been in a relationship with a woman who was not ready for a relationship, because she was not healed from her last one. Even before we got serious, I knew it was a bad idea and God even warned me, but I moved out of my human emotion. When we make emotional decisions, in most cases, it leaves us heart-broken. Rebound relationships may numb your pain, but will delay your healing. Give yourself time to heal. The longer the past relationship, the longer you need to take to heal. Learn more by listening to me discuss the issue. Click here
7. You can be happy alone. The ability to be happy alone is a prerequisite to being ready for a relationship or marriage. I discuss this deeper in my audio series. Click here.
8. You’re not dealing with your ex. Don’t pursue relationships with people if you are still dealing with your ex. It’s kind of sad that I even have to discuss this one, but of course we know people do this all the time. Make a decision about your ex before creating something new.
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Good Morning…thanks for posting this. This was very informative. I am currently on a journey of forgiving people and preparing myself for the many blessings that God has in store for me. I, like many other women, desire to be in a healthy relationship(hopefully which will lead to marriage) but I understand that I cannot hold this anger inside any more. It was unhealthy for me as well as for my children. I do believe that when I am ready God will send me that special person. I enjoy reading your blogs and please continue to post many more. May God continue to bless you.
Thank u Kimberly,
You are on your way my friend….keep going and continue to seek your healing..
This article is right on point. Most importantly, by doing all of these things, you will become a better person for YOU first. I love it.
Thank u Jenni…so happy you were blessed. You are correct every issue I discussed could be used or seen as an overall way to improve your life for the better.
Good morning Quentin,
This article has truly been a blessing to me. May God continue to bless you in every aspect of your life.
Thank you Johnet! I appreciate your kind words….God bless you my friend….
Good, solid advice. I am soaking this up like a sponge. I am going to incorporate these teachings into my L.I.F.E. group at church.
Thank you Michele
This article is very enlightening. Many of the points mention should be common sense, but seeing them in black and white solidifies the true meaning and seriousness of being whole in body and mind before allowing anyone else to come into your life.
Good segment!
I’m still kind of stuck at #s 2 and 5. My views about relationships change with the weather for reasons 2 and 5. One day I may think I want lifelong commitment a few weeks later, I think that it’s the worst thing ever. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get it together or if I should even still care about these things because I am a little older so sometimes feel like been there, done that so why bother.
That’s why I read these blogs. It’s like free counseling sessions. These blogs are really helpful. I notice the changes, very slowly but they are coming. Last year this time if someone told me that they were getting married. I so seriously would have said DON’T DO IT. YOU ARE RUINING YOUR LIFE. Just hearing about someone getting married have would seriously put me in a bad mood, totally upset my day, LOL. (I’ve been through a few things). Now I can honestly be happy for those that find love. So thank you and a few others for that. I’ve started following a couple of these sites and to be honest I don’t know why because at the time I was still carrying a lot of resentment. But I can honestly say that all of this continuous positive information flowing has definitely helped me out in a good way. Still not quite there but definitely have taken a few steps toward the better.
Very excellent points, all relevant to building a solid relationship. What was shocking is that last year was when I went through almost all 8. Now I’m doing healing and clean-up. I’ll be ready very soon, God Willing He send the man prepared specifically for me!
[…] from Him. However, there is nothing wrong with being proactive when we are ready for a relationship (8 Signs You Are Ready for a Relationship). All of us who profess God are very proactive in other areas of our life… from going to college […]
I see…kinda true
Hi Quentin,thanks for the good job you doing.
Was in this r/ship,guy was always showing lack of commitment.Would always invite me over to his house and it means so much to him when i dont honour the Iv.When i eventually do honour them,he never calls back after i have left,he totally ignores me,as though i was never there or existed. its only natural for one to check up on someone you love,isn’t it?But in this case it was opposite.
I eventually talked to him about it but angrilly.He got offended and asked me to move on.It hurts.I have actually moved on.But i do feel humiliated about these whole thing.I am a beliver.still struggling to forgive him entirely.He still thinks we can be friends but i dont think so.Mind you,i really loved that guy.Can i have your word on this?
Very interesting.
I feIt I got stroke by a whip on my back as I find myself crying, tears running down my eyes for almost an hour by reading a religiouse link sent to me by a friend!!!!!!!!!
WOW & IM GOIN THRU THT NOW I WANT out this relationship bt tha man want leave bn together 9 years wat do I do he is very controlling insecure & arrogant.
Really helpful and widom filled advice, no matter if you’re currently in a relationship, or seeking to enter one, great advice, God inspired….
Something to think about before you commit again
Ever since I signed up for your newsletters, I have been blessed by every article. I need your help regarding being my coach. I’m a student studying Software Engineering and I want to be the best in my field to God’s glory. Please respond as soon as you can.
Thank you my friend.
Interesting points..
This is so awesome!
Thank you!
Thank u so much 4 post. I can see iv made massive improvement. Just really sad that am stuck on #2. Workin on it!
Hi i was reading your 8signs that you are ready for a relationship, I have a question about the 8th sign, here is what it says 8. You’re not dealing with your ex. Don’t pursue relationships with people if you are still dealing with your ex. It’s kind of sad that I even have to discuss this one, but of course we know people do this all the time. Make a decision about your ex before creating something new. So that means if someone has a child with an ex they can’t presue another relationship because they are still dealing with the ex?
Adrian,
Of course that doesn’t mean if someone has a child. You can have a child with someone and not have a relationship etc.I am writing about people who are still are emotional involved, having sex or actively holding on to another relationship. However, if someone is doing those things with an ex whom they have a child with then yes it applies.