Insecurity is a problem we all deal with in life in general. Thus, this issue is not just a relational issue-although in this blog, I will address it strictly from a relationship standpoint.
Next to fear insecurity in my opinion is the second biggest factor causing relationship problems. Insecurity makes problems worse in a relationship, not better. What we commonly deal with in relationships is “emotional insecurity,” which is defined as an unease or nervousness by a perceived feeling of inadequate or worthlessness. This causes us not to feel worthy of love, happiness, or even our partner.
In a lot of cases insecurity is born from past pain and rejection. When I dealt with insecurity in my own life, it came directly from rejection. I felt I was not good enough to be with certain women because of the hurt and rejection I felt from other women. Thus, I also expected a woman to leave me for “a better man.” My own past insecurities caused me to literally expect a woman not to be faithful; so I never gave a woman 100%. So I kept other women on the side waiting for my “main woman” to leave me because I felt she secretly wanted something better.
Although in two or three of these relationships my insecurity just so happened to be true, that wasn’t the case in the others. You see, I feel we should always clearly discuss our insecurities openly with our partners. Two things should happen: 1) you should honestly address the insecurity and 2) you should help the person deal with the insecurity, if possible.
Transparency is what binds us when our motives are pure. So, openly discussing our insecurity and fear helps us work through things with our partner; and it also gives them a choice. To overcome insecurity, we must heal from our past rejection and present feelings of low self- worth. We have to understand clearly who we are and embrace it.
Don’t be so insecure that you self- sabotage your relationships. Don’t make the past mistakes I’ve made in feeling I was not worthy of love of a good woman.
Some of us put our entire life on hold for the promise of love and thus we stay in bad relationships that often birth deeper insecurity issues.
Here are 9 ways to overcome insecurities:
1. Openly admit you have insecurities that maybe impacting you relationship.
2. Accept who you are! Love who and how God created you, but be mindful of where you can improve. Accept who you are and you will attract the right person.
3. Understand deeply you are loved by God. You have incredible value and worth. Be confident in who you are and have faith!
4. Love yourself and seek to heal emotionally from the things that caused your emotional insecurities.
5. Understand the source of insecurities are past rejections and are made worse when you are not clear about who we are in Christ.
6. Love your inner beauty. Focus on the wonderful qualities you have such as ability to love, patience, compassion, or anything else that makes you beautiful on the inside.
7. Adore what God created that makes you beautiful physically. Remember: What society calls “beautiful” doesn’t make you physically attractive.
8. Don’t cover up insecurities through an image or facade of pride and false insecurities such as cars, clothes, clubs, sex, etc.
9. Don’t think negatively about yourself. Call yourself what you truly are. You are a child of God and He loves you.
What insecurity can you work toward overcoming today?
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