Singleness: The Things I Wish Singles Knew Before Marriage

“Always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” -2 Timothy 3:7

Have you been in a fight before and every time that person throws a punch, you tighten up and prepare for the punch only to find out it didn’t hurt as much because you prepared for it? Want to know when a punch really hurts? It’s when someone punches you unexpectedly, because you were not expecting it. I am trying to prepare you ahead of time so it won’t hurt…
I wish singles knew these things before marriage:
-Marriage is not about “This person is going to make me happy.” That’s too much responsibility for one person to carry. Learn to be a servant of your spouse. God is more concerned about you being holy than happy. Marriage is about learning to love an imperfect person (yes, you have issues also)…for life. Marriage is more like “How can I please you?”
“Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25); this includes when your spouse has off days too. We must learn how to love our spouse unconditionally. The more we learn about meeting our spouse’s needs, the smoother our marriage will become. Most people are afraid to meet their spouse’s needs because they feel it won’t be reciprocated. The one you marry should be filled with God’s spirit, because they will feel convicted when they are not reciprocating love back to you.
-Just because you’re married now doesn’t mean the rest of the human race becomes ugly in appearance. Singles think since they have a spouse now they won’t become tempted because they married what they are attracted to. Remember: Marriage is not a fire extinguisher! If you don’t tame your flesh as a single, marriage won’t change it.
Ever wonder why there is so much infidelity in today’s society? Sorry to break the news to you, but our flesh is never satisfied. “Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content” (Ecclesiastes 1:8). However, in marriage, having a healthy sex life is a great tool against adultery.
-Never underestimate premarital counseling. I tell singles, if the one you plan on marrying doesn’t want premarital counseling, I question the one you are about to marry. “Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success” (Proverbs 15:22). Some people don’t want to wait for premarital counseling because of a lack of self-control; they are ready to jump in the bed. Some don’t want the counselor’s advice because that person’s mind is made up – “I’m going to marry him/her no matter what” (that happens sometimes because that couple already had sex).
Go through premarital counseling. Sometimes that counselor/pastor can see some things we can’t (which will help you later on down the road). Respect your pastor’s decision. We love for our pastor to speak over and prophecy in our lives, but once he tells us to wait we want to leave the church.
-It’s ok to celebrate each other’s differences. I know you don’t see this now because you are living in a different household than the one you and your spouse will have (I hope so). Over time, in marriage, one can become frustrated with their spouse’s uniqueness. For example, they might not do things the way you do them, simply because they were raised in a different household. Maybe they were the only child and you had brothers and sisters. When letting your spouse be themselves, it will take a load off your shoulders from you trying to change them. Usually the first year of marriage is the toughest because of two people from different homes are trying to discover the culture of their home. True love is when you let your spouse be themselves and yet love them unconditionally. God is the same way with us, right? How do you feel about this? Comment below….

About the Author: Shon was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio for 25 years and in 2005 moved to Phoenix, Arizona with his family. He is happily married for nine years to Londina and has two children. Shon is the owner of Never Again Ministries which promote Marriage Enhancement and Holistic Relationships in God. He’s an Author, Speaker, Ordained Minister, and Mentor and hosts his weekly radio show “The Doctor of Love” show. www.neveragainministries.info

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