“Is this really a relationship I should stay in?” I get this question several times a week from women who are feeling a sense of turmoil in their current relationship.
If you are a woman who has come to a crossroads in your relationship and are trying to determine whether or not you are with the right man, there are some fundamental and foundational things for you to consider.
Here are some things to help you know if you are wasting our time on the wrong man:
1. Trust your woman’s intuition, but most importantly seek God for discernment. This does not mean your intuition is right all of the time, because it will not be. You must remove distractions from your life and willfully open your ear to the Lord.
2. He only takes you out in an attempt to have sex with you or get you to act impulsively. This is one of the reasons not having sex is important. It will eliminate men who only seek you for companionship and sex. However, if you are a woman seeking sex and companionship with men because you have an unavailable heart, then you will attract the wrong men.
3. He treats you differently in front of other people. This means behind closed doors he is so loving and kind, but amongst friends or family he is very distant and making sure everyone thinks you are platonic friends.
4. He tells you clearly he is fresh out of a relationship and just wants a friend with no commitment. If you are seeking marriage, this is not the man for you. Even if you are not seeking marriage, this is not a situation you should enter into (or remain in).
5. A man who wants to string you along. There are a lot of men who will not desire a commitment, but he will desire something from you. Do not think this only applies when a man is fresh out of a relationship and in danger of being in a rebound relationship. There are many reasons a man may not be open to a relationship. So, be mindful of your needs and do not allow yourself to be strung along.
6. The man who doesn’t prioritize you now is NEVER going to prioritize you. This doesn’t mean you get all of his time, but a man who is interested will make or develop some time to get to know you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect his livelihood. A man with interest will put forth effort, but he will also expect your participation.
7. If you’re hanging in there with the wrong guy, you will never find the right guy.
Closing Thought:
Please know, it is important to seek God’s guidance in all decisions. Before you react to emotions or seek advice from all of your friends, you must learn to go to Him with the situation. The truth of the matter is, whether you continue in the relationship or end it, you need the comforting love of Christ. He has to provide you with the support that no one else can give. You are hurting now. He heals. Let Him be your guide.
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Thanks for this piece. It’s such a blessing.
Yeah this was a good topic.
Wow, this article is right on time for me. I am in a similar situation and I feel that God is calling me to go to higher heights but I feel as if this person is not respecting my relationship with God……Thanks for the blog and I will share this with friends as well.
Regarding # 3 but the opposite. I once dated a guy who would swoon over me in public. He’d always start hugging me and holding my hand when we were out, especially around family, his and mine. He loved it when people would comment on how they thought we were so good together. Once we were out at a restaurant talking and having a good time, just kind of casually. One of my co-workers came into the restaurant. I spoke to them and told him that was my co-worker. He immediately went into exhibitionist mode. He started holding my hand, moving in closer, all of a sudden this sudden rush of lovey-dovey came about. That was well and good until I realized that he only did that in public. Whenever we were alone, he was not that interested in all the displays of affection. If we were just home watching a movie together, we’d watch the movie. But, if other people were over watching the movie with us, he be all over me, wanting us to be all up under each other, hugged up the whole time. He wouldn’t take his arm from around me. Once he sent me flowers at work. That was very nice, I was happy to get them. But, it kind of threw me off a little because he seemed more concerned about what my co-workers thought about them then if I liked them or not. I told him thanks and that I liked the flowers. He did not seem to care if I liked them or not. He started asking me what my co-workers thought and if they were jealous of me for it. I was sitting there with a (0_0) blank stare. That actually started to give me an uneasy feeling about the relationship and something tugged inside of me telling me that something was not quite right about that. That was only one of a few other things that tugged at me about the relationship. I even brought it up to him and he just kind of blew it off. Toward the end of the relationship, he only seemed really interested in appearances. He’d jump at the chance to make an appearance, anywhere. But if I wanted just he and I to do something without the audience, he didn’t seem to interested, but he would do it more out of obligation because I would complain about it. His behavior would be that he was only doing it out of obligation and that he would rather be doing something else. However, as soon as we’d see somone we knew or if went out with or hung around with other people, he’d perk up and act like we were this perfect couple out of a storybook. He’d be gazing at me all lovingly saying nice stuff. He NEVER did that when we were alone. It didn’t feel right ot me, but I could never figure that out.
That sucks! Don’t people realize that their motives will eventually be exposed? I’m sorry you had to deal with someone like that. Thank you for sharing your story. There are others in situations just like the one you had.
Tanx for dis Infomation,it came rit on time for me cos i was in a confused state of mind abt my relationship but truly ve got to go to God first &seek his face.
I’m definitely at a crossroad…thank you for this post. It will definitely help me in the long run.
Simply love it. We can find any excuse to hold on to a man. Even with with picking this informational piece apart. Thanks McCall for providing truth behind the need for a healthy union. It’s so important to seek God on everything he feeds the soul and kills the flesh. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Lyane