Getting over an ex can be one of the most difficult things in the world for some people. Often our emotions, unresolved issues, expecting what we can’t give, and selfishness all cause us to attract the wrong people. A bad break-up is the perfect time to fully examine who you are and not play victim.
Here are 14 tips for getting over an ex:
1. Be Accountable. Learn what is wrong with you. Turn the mirror around on yourself and clearly see yourself for who you are. Is fear of being alone the problem? Are you easily moved by looks and money? Are you secretly looking for a mother or father you didn’t have? Do you have unresolved pain you are trying to numb through sex and companionship? Do you have lust or love addiction? Are you thinking that just because someone has everything on your list, they automatically have character? Don’t worry about a list…focus on character and common values and you will not need a list.
2. Don’t play victim. As stated before, we attract what we are. Thus, we are all participators in our pain and rarely victims. When we identify certain negative traits of what we are attracting, then we can stop the abuse and pain we feel. We have to understand the other person has issues as well and they must do the same introspection.
3. Get rid of all items they gave you. In my article “5 ways to Overcome Sexual Soul Ties”, I address the need for you to get rid of items people have given you. Holding onto items just reminds you of that person and gives you a connection to them. This includes photos, furniture, sex toys, lingerie, etc. I know some of you have kids from your ex and, of course, you can’t give something as beautiful as a child back. In these cases, I want you to view your beautiful children as a positive outcome of the relationship.
4. Overcome the sexual and emotional soul ties. Remember, soul ties feel like love. See my article about “5 Ways to Overcome Sexual Soul Ties.” Also, go to this link to learn “3 Things You Need to Know about Soul ties.”
5. Seek professional help for your deep rooted issues. Deep rooted issues (e.g. sexual abuse, rape, lack of affirming love as a child, etc..) are the things that lead us to seeking comfort in the arms of men and women. The core must be healed. We have plenty of people walking with God, but having yet to be healed. Healing is three-fold (spiritual, psychological, and emotional). Thus, strengthening your personal relationship with God, seeking help from a professional and getting guidance from a pastor or minister, is more effective.
6. Don’t shelter yourself and go into hiding. Connect with friends and people who care about you. In my article “7 Confessions of How a Life Coach Overcame a Break-up,” I talk about how I made the mistake of sheltering myself while trying to overcome a tough break-up.
7. Don’t go shopping, clubbing, partying, sleeping around, etc… in an attempt to numb the pain. There is no such thing as retail therapy, because money problems are just symptoms of deeper issues. We can never out shop or out spend our pain. This behavior only leads to debt, living paycheck to paycheck, and being broke.
8. Don’t rebound into a new relationship. Rebound relationships may numb your pain, but they will delay your healing. Read my article “The Shocking Truth About Rebound Relationships.”
9. Learn relationship skills that can benefit you in your next relationship.
10. Really understand what it means to love unconditionally. Read my article “Relationship Coaching: Love is a Choice.”
11. Avoid contact. Don’t call, email, or text your ex. Also, don’t allow him or her to contact you.
12. Take a trip to a place alone; where you can have pure self-reflection and re-energize yourself. If you don’t know your purpose, seek God’s purpose and plan for your life outside of a man or woman.
13. Learn how to be truly single. Being happy alone with God is the perquisite before a serious relationship or marriage. Read my article “9 Reasons Why Being Single is Good For You.”
14. Forgiveness. Forgiveness is more for you than for the person who hurt you. Forgiveness begins your healing. Read my article…”7 Reasons Why You Forgive and Forget.”
What has been your greatest challenge with overcoming a break-up?
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Excellent!!
Thank you Trina
These blogs are so very helpful to me and my process and progress to HEALING!!
Thank You Vernon…I am happy to serve you…
Thank God 4U..!!!
Thank you. GLory be to God
This blog really speaks to my spirit. I am continually t blessed by this blog! God is truly using you in a mighty way! I pray you continue to walk in the calling for which you are called! Be blessed
~Jennifer
Hello Jennifer
Thank you so much for your kind words…I promise to stay the course my friend.
Good Morning! As usual, Thanks again for posting this. It seems like you know exactly what to post while I’m on my journey. I have been on my journey for about 2-3 months now, having a more intimate relationship with God as well as finding my purpose that He has for me. A lot of things have been revealed while on this journey and I still have a few things to work out but I’m loving the person that I’m getting to know(me!!!). May God continue to bless you and thanks again!!
GM Kim, thank you for the kind words. Continue to seek your journey….keep learning…keep reading and most important implement what you are reading. God is with you..continue to seek your healing.
Excellent Blog to help heal. I have done most of these. Giving back the things that we accumulated while we were together. I have not done. All though I am healing and it is rejuvinating being single and learning just who I am. and my relationship with GOD is growing stronger and through this process I am learning how to surrender. Thank You Mr McCall. Good stuff.
I thank you so much for your inspirational words. I’m letting go of a relationship I’ve been in for a few years that has caused me more heartache than joy. I enjoy your blog.
Thank you Jamillah
I am very happy to serve u
I refer your blogs to a great deal of people and BOTH male and female population have been blessed! God bless you and it is so exciting to see men in their place. Bless you Bro
Thank you V.D. I truly appreciate and the support you have given my ministry.
Your blog is a great help. Coupling it with my true “sword” I feel that I am definitely believing that 1) I am not the only one who has gone through a horrible relationship 2) I am somewhat on the right path and 3) I truly enjoy being single and GROWING in the process. God truly knows how to lead you to where you need to be at that very moment and on this blog is where I need to be on at this very moment in my life. Thank you so much!
This article made some great points; unfortunately most of them did not apply to me or how I feel. It seems to address issues of a person who has a had a series of bad breakups instead of 1.
This article was written from my own “1” break-up from many years ago, thus that’s the frame from which is was written. They apply no matter how many break-ups someone has had. Each person will have their own personal issues with every break-up, thus one has to examine those personal issues and the broader picture.
Also this is article is not about how you feel it’s about about learning and being accountable which is step #1..really read the material and not skim through the steps my friend…there will be steps that apply to your situation if you are being honest with yourself.
Hi thank you so much for this blog! I have been going back and forth with a man for about 6 years now. I was even engaged to another man (GOOD MAN) but could not get this guy out of my head. We ended up calling the engagement off and went our separate ways. I always find myself going back to this particular man. Its like I can’t get away. For the past almost 3 yrs I have been turning my life around. But somehow he always finds a way to get back in. I know I have created a sexual soul tie with him. Recently he apologized for everything and seemed sincere. I had never seen this side of him before. I thought maybe he had changed. Now that we are back seeing each other again I see that nothing really has. Yes we do more together, but he still smokes, drinks, and goes to the club. I stopped going out a long time ago and drinking. I ended up sleeping with him again twice and felt horrible afterwards. I want to get out so bad. I have realized one of the reasons I have stayed is because in the past he has treated other females that most would consider “out there” better than me. Now its almost like I’m scared to let go as well because I feel like he will treat the next woman better than me…and I know that will hurt me again. I need to get out…I want to get out…I know God has something special for me but it is being blocked by this relationship