Are you ready for love? Do you have a solid foundation to date responsibly, court, and eventually enter into a lifelong covenant of marriage? Selfishness should put the brakes on any plans you have to start any of this.
Let’s be honest, we all have selfish tendencies… don’t we? We want what we want, when we want it. This is true in relationships as well. Regardless of how giving and understanding we are, a part of us wants people to agree with us, respect the things we enjoy, support our decisions, not argue if we change our mind, show up on time, give us our space, etc… These are natural selfish tendencies we have, because we are human… though we should continually seek to master them. However, we are not talking about tendencies here. We are talking about selfishness (repeat selfish behavior). This occurs when someone displays a pattern of behavior that shows disregard for others; actions that are not conducive to love.
Generally, when people start dating, once they get past the initial emotions, roses, and candlelight… you can begin to see the person for who they really are. This is why I advocate dating with intentions and getting to know one another as friends first. This way, you will not be overly distracted by things that cause you to fall into sinful situations. Relationships are hard work and love is even harder… requiring two people working together to walk together to learn to grow together as one. The world is full of distractions. We must focus.
If you are dating a selfish person or if you are selfish, you should consider putting the brakes on the relationship and getting the help you need. Understand selfishness will cause you to end up alone or destroy every relationship you enter into. So, it is better to do the right thing now.
Here are 5 signs to help you know if you are too selfish for love:
1. You are dishonest about your past – When we are dishonest, we take away other people’s choices. If we are dishonest about our past, because we are afraid someone will choose to leave us… we are only looking out for our best interest. Love is about doing whatever you can to make someone else’s life easier. So, until you are able to be honest about your past and allow them to choose you for who you are, you are not ready to love with a pure heart.
2. You give ultimatums – When we make people believe our commitment or loyalty is dependent on how well they meet our expectations, we do not love unconditionally (the only true way to love). Conditions are usually a response to fear. Fear and love cannot dwell in the same place. (“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” ~1 John 4:18). So, you should seek to address your deep-rooted fears before attempting to enter into a relationship.
3. You throw tantrums – When we don’t get our way, do we adjust to the situation and continue moving forward or do we allow our emotions to take over? Tantrums are a form of manipulation. They are emotional outbursts designed to make people do what you want them to do; to get control of a situation. Love is about honest communication and manipulation is dishonest.
4. You look for imperfection in others – If you want to be accepted as you are, yet you expect others to be perfect… you are selfish. When we make it our business to point out imperfections in others, we are creating an unbalanced relationship. To experience a truly loving relationship, you must seek to have balance (6 Ways to Balance Love and Life).
5. You give up easily – Love says, “I am here for you… in the good and bad times. I will love you on our good and bad days. I will love the best parts of you and love you through the worst.” When you choose to love, you realize it is not just about you. It is about the other person. It is also about using your relationship as a ministry to honor and glorify God. If you give up and walk away every time things get difficult, your choice to love was not unconditional. You chose to like or to experience a connection while it was convenient for you. So, if you don’t yet have what it takes to make the sort of commitment required by love, then you should avoid getting into a relationship that you are not ready for. That is the honorable thing to do.
Closing Thought:
Trying to have relationships when you know you are not ready is selfish. Selflessness can be learned. Start today and seek the help you need.
Follow the Series:
– Part 1: 6 Reasons Selfishness Will Destroy Your Relationship
– Part 2: 5 Things You Must Know About Selfish People
– Part 3: 5 Lies Selfishness will Cause you to Believe
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5 Signs You Are Too Selfish for Love http://t.co/O0IuTiuw
{K4LC Blog] 5 Signs You Are Too Selfish for Love…..Read Here —-> http://t.co/q73df6pT
RT @QuentinMcCall: Too Selfish for Love… http://t.co/byGkgq7Q
[K4LC Blog] 5 Signs You Are Too Selfish For Love…..Read Here–>> http://t.co/I3v8WhDu
5 Signs You Are Too Selfish for Love http://t.co/yfOwPhbN via @quentinmccall
interesting piece
LOVE this article!! 🙂
QUENTIN MCCALL, YOU DID IT AGAIN! Thank God for you my brother! Takeaways from this article that I tweeted about come from Signs #1 & #2:
1. WOW! Gut Kicker! moment: “When we are dishonest, we take away other people’s choices.” —> This is so true! Having experienced this/been guilty of this, the ramifications you speak of are devastating and really break down a relationship. OPEN, HONEST communication is critical to the success of a relationship….this segways into the 2nd point.
2. WOW! Moment: “Conditions are usually a response to fear.” As soon as I read that, I thought of the I John 4:18 scripture before I read it in the next segment. You are SO right when you say in Sign #1, “If we are dishonest about our past, because we are afraid someone will choose to leave us…” Fear of losing a person is a strong motivator for people to be dishonest and refuse participation in vulnerability. The crazy part is, the very thing you’re doing (i.e. trying to protect the person b/c you feel this negative information about yourself would hurt them & b/c you like/care deeply about/love the person, you think it’s best NOT to say anything) to protect and not injure is the very thing that ends up sticking a dagger in the heart of your loved one! Funny how to try to rationalize bad behavior when in reality, rationalizing = telling ourselves “rational lies”…..Anyways! Thanks for sharing and keep it coming! Your content is impactful!
@Namie ..excellent insight from my article my friend..
[K4LC Blog] 5 Signs You Are Too Selfish For Love…..Read Here–>> http://t.co/1H0p2Y2v …
5 Signs You are too Selfish for Love.. | Thought Leader, Strategist, Life Coach – Quentin McCall – Knowledge 4 Life http://t.co/cAfoLtYf
[K4LC Blog] 5 Signs You Are Too Selfish For Love…..Read Here–>> http://t.co/8v6PxCGu ..,,/
“@QuentinMcCall [K4LC Blog] 5 Signs You Are Too Selfish For Love…..Read Here–>> http://t.co/Ntol2pAD”
God bless you brother! Thanks for sharing such an awesome post with us!
[K4LC Blog] 5 Signs You Are Too Selfish For Love…..Read Here–>> http://t.co/UogjnAnH …//
5 Signs You Are Too Selfish for Love – Thought Leader, Strategist, Life Coach – Quentin McCall – Knowledge 4 Life – … http://t.co/dFHZq8UV
This is so truthful and so relevant! When we are dishonest we take away other people’s choices.
#s 4 and 5 will probably keep me single for ever. When someone does something that is less than desirable, I am quick to say I can’t accept that. I mess up all the time. When I get called out on what I did, I be sitting there with a blank stare like what’s the big deal. (@_@)
I was very selfish when I was younger and I’ve been working on it for a very long time now. I thought I has it figured out but i was called selfish not to long ago by a guy I was seeing at the time. He said I expected the same treatment i gave out, which wasn’t true I just wanted a little attention for time to time.. My question is how do you stop feeling of longing for someone to show you they care?
Love you thoughts! Thanks for the fabulous info. Was married to a selfless, kind man for 12 years. He passed away five years ago (only 35 yrs old). so tough to find a man of similar quality. Not many like him. I just finished a month of ‘who he was’ on my blog – it is touching many lives. Bless you.
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