Here is my video on 9 Reasons Why Being Single is Good For You:
As a single man of God in my season of singleness I’ve spent years studying the beauty, love, gift and purpose of singleness. Many singles act as if being single is like a disease. The truth of the matter is that true singleness is a very important step before getting married. Singleness is about becoming spiritually, emotionally and financially whole without dependence on another man or woman. From Adam we learn that he was going about his life in the Garden of Eden doing what God told him to do. God had to interrupt him to let him know he needed a help meet. This lets us know as singles we should have our focus on what God has called us to do. This week I am going to explore 9 reasons why being single is good for you:
1. Being happy alone is a prerequisite before we can have a successful marriage or serious relationship. We have to learn how to be happy alone. We can’t allow emotions or emotional brokenness to cause us to seek out people just for companionship or a warm body because we are alone. Being able to be alone with God shows emotional health and spiritual maturity. Having a healthy concept of self will allow us to truly love our future mates without reservations or co-dependency.
2. Singleness gives us the ability to have all our attention on God. Paul teaches us in 1 Cor 7:26-28; 32-35 that an unmarried person should be concerned about the affairs of the Lord. Singleness is a time for complete devotion to God. This is the season where we grow our spiritual roots. When we get married we have to divide our time between our mate and our call to God.
3. Singleness is our opportunity to develop character and heal from deep emotional wounds before we get married. When we neglect to take the time to heal we only hurt ourselves and others.
4. Singleness is where you learn to become an asset and not a liability.
5. Singleness is where we learn our Godly roles for being a husband or wife and develop relationship skills .
6. Singleness is where we determine our value system. I don’t believe in lists, but I do believe in having common values and character in a potential mate or dating partner.
7. Singleness is where you become financially stable and learn to be a proper steward of what God gives you.
8. Singleness is where you prepare yourself to be what you are expecting from a future mate.
9. Singleness is where you learn to manage your emotions and not allow emotions to be your decision making tool. Don’t live in the moment of emotions and do things you will regret later or that will cause consequences not easily changed.
What other reasons can you think of?
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Truly appreciate this topic.. As a single person that was months from walking down the aisle, I have struggled with the feeling of being single or what I call alone.. The points you shared were great.. However, I would appreciate scripture to support each point and perhaps other biblically based books regarding being single.. Thanks.. I look toward to reading your blog
Thank you for your kind words. Always remember alone is just the physical, thus you are never lonely. Lonely is more spiritual , so God is always with you. Scripture is not needed to support each point, because if I did this would be a book not a blog:-).. and I did provide scripture in the areas in which was needed. Each point is real life experience from my life and 10 plus years of counseling and ministering people in this area. So when I write from that view along with the Biblical view it provides actionable and practical steps. So read the first paragraph then the steps…
I think the American culture has done a great job in convincing women that there is something that needs to be fixed if they are single – and this message is proclaimed outside and inside the church. I remain grateful that I did not grow up with that kind pressure or teaching, but my heart breaks for people who live in a cycle of bad relationships because they don’t want to be without “someone.” A 20 something lady who kept saying when she was with the guy she was dating her self esteem would fall to the floor had a difficult time ending the relationship because she had never been without “someone” since she was a teen. Certainly, that mindset needs to be destroy. So Quentin, thanks for addressing these relationship challenges.
Of a truth i can say that i am single now by choice, but pray that i will get married soon. However i had the chance
to on more than one occasion. I am so happy i did not because their was a wealth of knowledge God has
waiting for me and all of the above speaks clearly. As the word states beloved i which above all things that
thou mayest prosper and be in god health, even as our soul prospereth ….3 John 2…so it’s not that God doe’s not want us to get married, he just want what’s best for his kids and for us to show forth his glory and honour, as we are called
onto praise worthy.
Check out “Set Apart Girl” by Leslie Ludy, check out her website as well, it was a big inspiration to me as to how vital it is to be single for a season
@ceceilia I will check her out…thank you
What you said hit home. My friend and I are going through the phase of being single and we find ourselves complaining often about our status, not that we are ready to settle for less than what we want but we wish our BOAZes will hurry up! This blog has made me think a little differently. Welldone!!
Hello and thank you my friend. Yes, it’s something God put on my heart to write about. We often see singleness in the incorrect light not understanding without being truly single we make our future marriages tougher and we risk hurting others and self….Thank you so much for your kind words.
Christ is our Boaz.
Thank you for providing us with this information. I wish more people understood the biblical concept of singleness. As with being married, they both require work and continuous guidance from God. The word says in Amos 3:3 Can two people walk together unless they agreed to do so. If you are single and treat your friends bad how will you treat your mate? Boaz watched Ruth for a while as she served. Mat 6:33, Seek first the kingdom of God and HIS righteousness and all things will be added to you. The instructions for purposeful kingdom living singleness is written in the bible. Working on being single and knowing who you are not only makes you a better mate, but more importantly makes you a better person for yourself.
I just discovered your work today. Thank you! Please continue to keep serving God by encouraging others.
Agape, Peace and Blessings
Hello Natisha,
Glory be to God..yes, we often make the mistake of not knowing or understanding the power of singleness. Thank you for your wonderful and truthful comment. I look fwd to you reading more and sharing your thoughts. I welcome you my friend. Thank you. God bless you
Good word! This article is just confirmation for me because I have been working on all these things & I’ve also just come to the realization that I am currently the happiest I’ve ever been single! I used to be an emotional wreck who gave WAY too much all in the name of what I thought was love….Thank God for deliverance!
Hello Desiree,
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, singleness is important to help work through issues like that and I am very happy to read you have. God is an awesome God!
Thank you for bringing it to where we live on this matter. It is enough for “strong” Christians to know why God values our singleness, but most people need a simpler understanding. I’m sure this article really bridges the gap for a lot of people. Grace, peace, and God bless!
@Reuben,
Yes, it is always my desire to share and teach information from the standpoint of simple practical application. Nothing deep or spiritual because I care about people understanding in hopes they can go and do the word. The Bible teaches us..In all our getting …get understanding. Proverbs 4:5-7
I really want to thankyou so much forthe reading on be single. I was really having a hard time with a breakup and i felt so down but than i just started to pray and talk to God. Im free now from that bondage that had me so down. God never intended for me to get into that relationship anyway it was something i did on my own. I ended up hurt and used but God was always there to mend my heart and heal my mind. Then i found this reading on be single. God was speaking to me to u and i thank God for using you! May GOD bless you always
@monique you are very welcome and I thank you for your kind words. Learn from your situation and allow it to help you become a better woman from it. Be encouraged my friend
I really appreciate your work.
I can gladly say i have regained my composure because at times I just feel like my patience is wearing thin because God is taking so long to answer my prayers.Now I just realised God wants to take me into greater heights before getting into any kind of relationship.
Thank you so much.You are such a blessing
Bubbles,
Thank you for your kindness and appreciation. Yes, he wants you to first be truly single, so you can have his best without selfish motives or reasons for wanting a mate. God bless you sis
Quentin,
I am in the middle of a very tough time. I have been through the mill with men and relationships during my life. Right now, I’m trying to deal with a relationship that was going wonderfully, and suddenly, without warning, he decided it “just didn’t feel right”. I want to believe that this is a relationship that God did not desire for me, and I’ve been having a VERY tough time convincing myself of that. Your article gives some good points about things I need to work on before I enter into a relationship, so perhaps I DO need to stay single a while longer.
I am a single mother, with three small children, so the complete dedication to God doesn’t quite fit me, but I do see what you are saying about dividing your time between God and your mate.
Thanks, so much, for your time and dedication.
Valarie in Missouri
Hello Valarie,
Thank you for your wonderful comment and sharing your personal experience. I can tell you on the right path…check out my other blog…it should help you>> https://quentinmccall.com/8-signs-youre-not-ready-for-a-relationship/
This was well put and I thank you for having this blog and these 9 reasons. It is a good reminder to be patient and recognize what the Father is doing in us to prepare us like the process Esther went through
Being single makes time for me to put God first and focus on school. It also helps me understand love in a more powerful way and not use it just bc. When i complete my days, months or even years of being single, it will be bc God has given me someone.
Amazing blog you have here. Most ladies view being single as an impediment to being who God called them to be. Having been accustomed to always having a man around to talk to openly and love, many young ladies find it hard to move on and maintain a happy single life. This article has really encouraged me. Realized that its important to be whole first if i want to enter into a healthy relationship. Its important to focus on God and eventually a man will come along when God deems it necessary, only He knew when Adam needed a helpmate and same with us, only He knows when we will need a help mate. In the meantime while we wait, we need to wait at a place of confidence, at a place of healing and being happy with being single. God bless you so much.
Thank you Kay….and everything you have written is correct. I love the insight that you have…thank you so much for your kind words…come back soon
Awesome McCall, awesome!! Gotta ♥ it.
[…] 9 Reasons Why Being Single is Good For You After reading that article I felt a little silly for being sad this morning. The grass looks so much greener in other people’s yards that I failed to notice how nice my lawn it’s pretty green and very lush. No matter what’s going on I have no right to throw a “Pity Party” . In all seasons I will choose to rejoice and be thankful. Join me . Thank you for the reminder Mr. McCall. Even the most positive PGRDress Star needs a pick me up on occasion. PGRDress Stars check out the article by clicking the link above. It’s a wonderful reminder about seasons and enjoying all phases of life. Pretty Dapper Fella of the Week Mr. Quentin McCall: […]
I love this! I am getting there and it feels great!
Good Article. It’s the truth! I may not like it and I’ll be glad when my season of singleness is over but it’s real. I already knew all of those things but others don’t so it’s good that you put it out there. You also need to let them now HOW to find their purpose and what God wants from them, HOW to deal with deep emotional wombs because it’s very hard to do by themselves. They need Scriptural references as well as spiritual councilors or clinical physician references.
Thank you very much Sabrina…I have several articles on all that you have asked about just search for them in blog archives.
Thanks so much for posting this article! I’ve been single for two years now and have learned so much about myself and what God’s purpose is for my life. I thank God for this time. At times we all fight feelings of loneliness and wanting affection and attention but we walk by faith not feelings.
God saved me from an engagement that I in no way was prepared for. Not knowing myself I gave in completely to what my ex wanted from me sacrificing any kind of happiness to make him happy even though I was miserable most of the time. As my relationship with God got deeper He made me aware of my worth and who I am in Him. When you realize that you won’t take any of the drama you use to put up with. You recognize warning signs and red flags and cut them off at the head. Thank God for this time of preparation!
Be blessed!
Very true Aisha….thank you for sharing your story. Singleness is truly a time of preparation and development…
I love this quote by Gary Chapman, marriage and family life expert, which really ties in to your reason #1: “I feel very strongly that marriage is not a higher calling than the single state. Happy indeed are those people, married or single, who have discovered that happiness is not found in marriage but in a right relationship with God.” This statement was reprinted in a book I’m currently reading entitled, Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall, et al. I can honestly say that I’m happy indeed because I now know what a right relationship with God is and I am enjoying my life in the state that I’m in. I refuse to sit around and daydream when I can be serving the Lord with my undivided and precious free time. Thank you for your words of wisdom. I’ve shared your article on Facebook and I look forward to sharing it with the Singles Ministry I’m in the process of launching at my church. God bless you.
Thank you so much. I love Dr. Chapman. I’ve been reading his work since around 1996 and I thank you for sharing such, an important truth that ties into your personal life and belief system. Wonderful insight…
Hi Quentin i have been reading your blogs and for them to be right at home , because singles and married really needs
to be educated of relational simple matters that affect both sides. It’s just like how people are always looking for
their other half, and when they got the half they don’t know what to do with it., so they cry out to God to fix the
other person and make them whole so they would be happy. when the truth and facts is that in Gods mathematical table
is one whole person plus another whole person makes one happy couple and that’s what we should strive for. Continue the good work…SHALOM!
@Christiana thank you my friend. I agree with you
Hey Christina
thank you so much for your kind words. You are right married and single have to be educated about love and proper relationships skills. the truth is always found in the word of GOd…thank u!
[…] we are single or why we feel alone in our singleness, but singleness can be a great blessing (see “ 9 reasons singleness is good for you”). For those of you who are truly ready for love, I want to encourage you to be the lover you wish […]
Thank God for such a fresh release of His wisdom to encourage and comfort those that are unmarried and enlighten them (us) in the season of our singlness that we’ll be good stewards of our time, talents, and gifts.
To God be the glory…thank u my friend
Thanks for the article!
In #6 you mentioned about having common values and not believing in lists. Can you explain what that really means? Don’t each person must have their own list and come together with the other person to see if they share the same values? I think most people would rather live with their list than to compromise everything on their list.
@Chriselle….when you focus on common values and character you don’t need a list. List are for selfish people…you can have everything that is on your list and still have bad relationship or marriage. Happens all the time, because what people miss is that unless someone has character nothing else really matters. So first you have to determine who you are and what you are. From there you learn what you truly value in life….then you will attract someone with those common values. Keep in mind if your focus is not on healthy values and character you will attract unhealthy people….If what you say was true we would have a low divorce rate my friend. People walk and run regardless of what is on their list because they don’t have relationship skills, lack the knowledge of loving unconditionally, and they most likely went into marriage looking to gain something rather than give something.
thank you for reminding me.. c: i agree to all reasons.. God bless!
@nielrose you are very welcome
Being single hurts. You have love but nobody to share it with. Having values and morals and standing your ground on them, dealing with being alone instead of being in something unhealthy is also lonely and painful on the flip side. It’s really a no-win situation…
@Tracye I think you need to read the blog and the various comments….get to the root cause of why you feeling this way…your issue is deeper and has nothing to do with being single. Emotional wounds
Thank you Mr. McCall
9 reasons being single is good for you teaching….what a blessing and a powerful teaching this is.
I was blessed by all points, they are empowering, and its true sometimes as a single woman we expect a lot from our future partners instead of us investing on ourselves
So we can be a blessing. Thank again, I am applying these points to my life, THIS IS AN INVESTMENT.
God bless you
[…] happy alone with God is the perquisite before a serious relationship or marriage. Read my article “9 Reasons Why Being Single is Good For You.” 14. Forgiveness. Forgiveness is more for you than for the person who hurt you. Forgiveness begins […]
This is a must read for singles of all walks of life. I am trusting God like never before in this phase of life, and have gained so much insight. Singleness has taught me that my zeal for God should always outweigh “things” according to Matthew 6:33. I’m yet trusting for that which only He can provide according to His plans for me + my heart’s desire. Thank you for challenging your readers perspective in this article. It was quite beneficial to me.
[…] 5. “I was tired of being single.” It’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. Learn more here-> 9 Reasons Why Being Single Is Good For You […]
These 9 reasons are a great help especially to an older divorcee who had never experienced the single life before marriage. After being married for 25 years, it took me another eleven years to learn each of these lessons on my own with the help of the Lord. You are right on point! Most of us just haphazardly and painfully just trip upon this knowledge. We all need to learn to enjoy our own company and being alone in the presence of God.
I’m Truly Blessed By This .. God Bless You Soooooo Much Mr Quentin ..This Has Changed My Thoughts About So Many Things. ” From Adam we learn that he was going about his life in the Garden of Eden doing what God told him to do. God had to interrupt him to let him know he needed a help meet.” – I Pray That I & Many Ladies Shall Continue living Our Single Lives, Doing What The Lord Wants Us To Do, Just Like Adam.. Until The Lord Gives Us Our Husbands! .. i Know sometimes as women, we sometimes think soooo deep to an extend that we are even hurting ourselves and we dont even realise it .. whatever it is ” I Know The Revelation Awaits An Apointed Time .. Though It May Linger, It Shall Surely Come To Pass! {Habakkuk 2:3} . . All I Can Say Is ; ” I Don’t Mind Waiting On The LORD” – As For Now : ” Christ Is My Boaz!” ..❤
[…] very important for us to enjoy our singleness and be “the one” we seek to have. In my article “9 Reasons Singleness is Good for You,” I discussed the beauty of being single and how important it is to be truly single and whole before […]
Though all of this sounds neat & idealistic, nobody…and I actually do mean nobody does this stuff when they are single.
Why am I so sure? Because I don’t get good at cooking steak by cooking chicken. Don’t get good at running marathons by arm wrestling. If you want to get better at something, you have got to practice. It is that simple. Paradoxically, your list sounds nice…but it ain’t realistic. As some one who has been through it, I only got better at dealing with women by dealing with women. Note what I said.
Very realistic I’ve done it, thus the list. I am not the only and I will not be the last. May not be realistic for everyone ,because not everyone has the commitment, devotion and discipline to submit their life to God’s way, but it certainly is doable for those who set their mind and will to do it.
What you are asserting is not what this article is about. It’s about preparing to be in a healthy relationship, by first learning to be truly “single” before God….then one can date from a healthy perspective without seeking out relationships for selfish reasons based in unresolved issues( pain, etc)….all my articles fit together like a puzzle this is just one part of the 100’s I’ve written..
Very powerful article, well written, carefully thought, and extremely helpful. I have started dating when I was 19 because lot of my girlfriends started dating back then. My first boyfriend was wonderful, however, my was not in the right place with him.Fast forward 3 more years until I was 21 years, I continue dating bur felt empty inside.I only has sex because I “thought” that it came with the package of dating even when I was fully involved as I always hope that I was the one for the guy, and in many cases it just didn’t work or the guys move on to better.I haven’t dated much, please don’t get me wrong. It was after an extremely bad relationship at 21 that God called me to “STOP”.I heard it loud and clear “STOP giving your heart and body away, because your body is my temple and your heart too precious”.I then became single for the next 3.5 half but friends and family were talking as I was getting older with no bf.So I gave a shot again at dating but it failed. Meanwilhe through prayer, lots of reading, and seeking of godly stories and experiences, even thoigh my deepest desire is to have a big family one day and be married, I am taking time to try working on myself first, saving my body as I don’t need unnecessary soul ties and the extreme pain that they cause when dating someone, and learning about what marriage means in the eyes of God.Marriage is serious business folk, the more I am digging by reading and searching for what it means the more I am realizing that it is no small business. It takes commitment, tenacity, self-holiness, and so much more.I haven’t been blessed yet with my future husband but even though loneliness and deception get to me at times, I told God that my old ways and attempts never worked anyway so I may just have to wait on him.
[…] gain so much. If you are struggling with enjoying and making the most of being single, please read “9 Reasons Singleness is Good for You.” What other reasons can you add to this discussion? Please comment […]
As a man looking for a Good Woman to settle down with, being Alone And Single is certainly no fun at all unless you Choose to be.