How often do you look for faults in the people you meet? Whether its meeting someone for coffee or going on a first date, do you automatically see a flag that says “STOP”? We all have yellow flags of caution – our imperfections cause us to have discerning thoughts about anyone we meet. It’s OK to look for red flags in others, but realize you may also have red flags of your own.
We go into dating situations with this dream or fantasy of a mate already in our head, but many of us have not submitted our wills unto the Lord. Thus, we don’t even know enough about ourselves or value systems to really know what we need. So, we dream about what we think we need based on what society or our church tells us. The superficial becomes more important than the character, which leads us to fault-find and judge people; yet, we are not as critical with self-reflection.
So, should we settle?
Of course not, and I am not suggesting that we do. We should accept, and be with, whoever we choose to – based on proper motives and character. I am strongly suggesting we, first, examine who we are and learn our personal value systems. I also suggest that we expand our minds for what our future mate may look like. Many of you will not have what is in your mind, because what you desire is not best for you. There are no perfect people, but God will give you who is perfect for you.
Second date considerations
If the first date didn’t go well… there is no need to write-off the person. Give it another chance. Some people are slow to warm up to and it takes a minute for you to see their shining star. I know some of you have once met someone who you did not like at first, but as you allowed yourself to truly get to know the person, you developed a strong interest in them. You see, not everyone is a charmer… so they are not going to knock your socks off and have you acting off of impulse.
In closing
Opinions are subjective. For every person deemed “great” by one person, there is someone out there who carries an opposite opinion. Many of us tend to believe that just because one has disagreements, there has to be a war. That is not true. We should be able to meet people and have disagreements without a war breaking out.
Think about how you are approaching dating from a fault-finding standpoint. Seek to look for more things right about someone than what is wrong. Remember, be intentional about dating. Seek friendship and an environment to get to know someone. You are not seeking physical intimacy, love, sex or companionship.
Here’s what I want you to do next:-)
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What can you do to improve your dating/relationship skills?
that I have never had a bad date. That might not be saying much because I don’t date much. But, I’ve always felt that if I have reservations about someone or think that I may not enjoy their company, then why bother; I will just politely decline the date (or rather make up an excuse. If I know right away that I’m just not feeling it, I will usually just lie and say I’m in a relationship, LOL). If I accepted the date, then there is apparently something that I found attractive or intriguing about the him. So, if I’m going to go through the trouble of putting on some decent clothes and wearing my good shoes, I may as well enjoy it. I don’t go on dates with expectations. Everyone that you meet is not going to be your soul mate. So just enjoy the date and maybe you will click; maybe not. Maybe you will make a new friend; maybe not. If on the date, the person does something that I think is a turn off or a deal breaker, unless it’s just grossly offensive (which would terminate the date immediately), I would make a mental note that he is not for me. I’d figure, since I’m here, I may as well make the most of it. Even if the guy turns out to be weird or strange, I would just make the best of it and would have a good story to laugh about later.