The greatest lie being told every day is “I love you.” We live in a world where lying and broken promises mean nothing to people. When the lie of “I love you” hurts the most, people seek help from liedetectortest. Most people are selfish and out for self. Place no trust in the flesh, because people will turn on you in a minute. They love you tonight, but tomorrow, next week, next month, or a few months later… they hate you (and/or are with someone else).
The question then becomes… why do we continue to live in this world caught up in emotion, euphoria and fast feelings? Many of us can relate to this because most of us have had, at least, one relationship where we moved at the speed of light into a relationship.
Some of us got engaged and married quickly. Then, 2-6 years down the road, we finally realize what a fatal mistake we have made. Of course there is always an exception to this rule, but I teach the rules and not the exceptions. In most cases, these types of fly by night love experiences will fail and one or more hearts will be broken. We have to realize there are people among us who are bent on getting married, having love, not being alone, or having their wounds healed at any cost.
Love is not emotion, it’s a choice. We can’t meet people and be so consumed by emotion that we are not faithful enough to wait on God. A truly strong relationship has to go through some things to cement the bond and test the depth of the love. It won’t be one thing, but several things. You see, anyone can love you when the sun is shining, but the person who truly loves you will be there even in your weakness and storms. They will be able to love you back to where God has called you to be. You always know someone doesn’t love, based on the level of resentment they carry when you fail them. We can’t fail at allowing people to be human when we are also deeply flawed.
When we claim to love someone and then fail to really fight for love or help them we are really saying “I love you… conditionally” or “I love you until you don’t change fast enough for me or you don’t respond the way I want you to” or “I love you until I meet someone I like better than you”. This, of course, is using someone to meet current needs with no regards to the heart of that person.
Folks, I am deeply saddened by the state of love in America. We seem to be moved more by emotion than truly being patient and hearing from God. Many of us are too broken and wounded to hear clearly from God. Thus, many are caught up in a cycle of going from relationship to relationship. We end one relationship and 4-6 weeks later we are starting this emotional roller coaster all over again.
I discuss rebound relationships in my article “The Dangers of Rebound Relationships.” Rebounds are only good in basketball and it’s hard to develop a healthy relationship when your heart and spirit are loaded down with several quick, lustful, and emotional relationships. ( If interested here is an audio discussion of “Rebound Relationships.”)
We live in an age where words mean nothing to people. People regularly break promises and Godly covenants with no problem at all. Back in the days of my grandmother, calling anyone a “liar” was a big deal. When I was growing up if I called someone a “liar” it was about to be a fight! My granny used to tell me to never call anyone a liar and if she heard me say it I was getting disciplined. Do you remember in the old western movies how calling someone a liar caused bar fights and gun standoffs?!?! It was THAT serious.
There was a time in our nation and relationships where keeping our word and promises meant something. The Bible tells us, “They make many promises, take false oaths and make agreements; therefore lawsuits spring up like poisonous weeds in a plowed field.” Hosea 10:4.
I believe our words mean less because of the spiritual erosion of our society. We lack a commitment to God. Thus, we easily break promises to other people. The new God of our society is self and, because people have become lovers of self in this world, doing right or keeping promises means nothing. The Bible tells us, “ In the last days men shall be lovers of self, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful and unholy.” 2 Timothy 3: 1-2.
People will decide what is right or wrong based on their own compass and not a Godly compass. We won’t even care if what we do or decide will hurt someone. Our number one objective is to seek pleasure or fulfillment. We can’t continue to allow “feelings” or “emotions” to be our God.
Emotions drive us off a cliff, but Godly wisdom leads us down a path. Just because something feels good, looks good, or even seems right doesn’t mean it’s of God. Conversely, just because something looks bad, feels bad, or even seems bad doesn’t mean it’s not of God. We have to take the feelings out of it and do what we know is right. We can’t allow our emotions to become the Holy Spirit of our lives.
I want to encourage all of you reading this to keep your word, honor your promises, allow people to be human, and handle people with respect. Don’t make promises you don’t plan to keep or honor. I can recall being told “We are stuck like glue and there is nothing we can’t work out together. I promise to love you forever and I’m not going anywhere.” Well, of course, that’s not what happened. We must avoid saying things in the heat of emotion and the moment. Say what we truly mean and honor our word. God is judging us by what we actually do and not based on our intentions. Our faith pleases God. Thus, intentions don’t create footprints in the sand; our actions do.
Stop the lie of “I love you.”
Make love real in your life by fighting for love and honoring your word. People are always going to hurt and disappoint us. We are going to hurt and disappoint other people as well, but we have to stand strong together to get through the toughest of storms. Real love doesn’t know how to quit, nor does real love lie.
My pain is your healing.
In His Love, Quentin
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The greatest lie is not saying the words “I Love You.” The greatest lie is that love doesn’t change. People do come with hurts from previous relationships. If they are smart and brave enough, they allow themselves to trust the other and rely/depend on the other as they build a relationship. I’ve been married over 15 years now – and the greatest disappointment I have is that love changes…and unfortunately, it falls apart.
It takes two – you know, to build a relationship… and to keep love alive. It is a struggle on any one person to carry that out. In sickness, health, etc.
If anything, you do have to be there in the sunshine and rain – as you put it. But when it falls apart, it’s up to both to put it back together… despite the pain, effort, frustrations.
To love unconditionally is just as much work. I try to do that and keep the vows. But yes, the one thing people don’t realize is – despite outside factors, despite the routine day-to-day stuff – love changes as you grow together. It shouldn’t – but it does. and if you told someone that at the beginning of their relationship/marriage, they wouldn’t believe you. But you have to be ready when it happens. Because if you grow apart… it’s done.
Mind you – God is the only salve holding it together. Thank God there is a God… 😉
The greatest lie is not the worlds, “I Love You.” The greatest lie is that love doesn’t change. People come into relationships with past hurts. They do. If they are smart, they reach beyond those hurts to trust trust and rely on the other to build the relationship. The love between two people change as they grow together. It takes two to keep it alive. If one falls short on working together – love can fade. I go do God constantly about that and work with Him to keep the vows. Honestly, sometimes it is more work to love unconditionally and stay in it than it is to walk away. Thank God there is a God.
Love is an emotion, an expression… it is temporary. If you told someone at the beginning of their relationship/marriage that love may fade – they wouldn’t believe it could happen to them. They hope to be the exception. So long as outside factors do not erode the relationship between two people – they may well be. But without two working to keep love alive, it can disappear. And that is the bigger misconception: that love lasts forever without working together. I can attest that it doesn’t. KMH (married 15+ yrs.)
You told the truth
hi many times people use these words same as me i fell when i tell my lady i lover it keeps pur relationship stronger cause not only do i tell her i love her but i always compliment her in the little things she does for eg. the way she cooks for me the way she irons my clothes the way she dresses me up its an endless list, but of we we have come to grow and most importantly its mutual understanding their is no such thing us love only God showed us true love.
This is such an awesome blog! My sister & I were discussing how we got into permanent situations (had a child) with people who were only there for temporary reasons. It was & is growing pains that lead us to such profound understanding. God snatched us by the collar & now we are on the right track. I Love you is definitely a lie that’s told everyday.
When I married my husband almost 43 years ago neither of us were Christians. We had both been raised in Christian homes but had walked away from our faith as teenagers. My husband had been home from Viet Nam for 5 1/2 months and had gone through a divorce not of his chosing. We met at work and married within 5 1/2 months after he came home and we married 6 1/2 months later. When I married him I knew I loved him but the love and respect I have for him has grown through the years. My husband married me knowing that I had a child which my father had forced me to put up for adoption and that I had a past. He always has said we all have a past, good or bad. He is the most loving man I know other than JESUS. He went through 10 years of drugs and drinking before he gave his heart back to JESUS. Was it easy? No it was not but he loved me through my pain and heartache and I was determined to love him through his. We got some sad news a month ago with a diagnosis of possibly two years for my sweet husband. With the grace of GOD he said GOD has always had me and always will have me. He is at total peace and his concern is for me(his wife), his children, grandchildren and people he loves. We went to see our pastor so he could share with him that ‘Ole Mike Gibson settled that question a long time ago, GOD IS GOOD and this does not change anything, I will serve him till the day HE CALLS ME HOME. It has not always been easy but I was always taught nothing worth having is easy. Marriage is something you have to work at no matter how long you have been married. I am BLESSED to be married to my very best friend on this earth. We cherish each day we have with each other. Both of us have had many health challenges in the last 5 years and we have always been there for each other and always will as long as we live. When I said ” I DO! ” I meant it forever!!!
It is really easy to say, “I love you” when you don’t know the responsibility behind giving love to someone. Often people love you with their perception of what love is, not knowing the example of who love is ….in the person of Jesus Christ. God is love. The biggest issue I have ever had is not whether or not I was being loved, but the level of love that was being extended to me. We are in a society that justifies being self absorbed, getting mine first, what have u done 4 me lately….. when love, true love is serving. Choosing to love and to express the character of love to someone. I am learning patience, diligence and servitude and doing the ah…..ouch and oh my….thank you Jesus all the way…….