A rebound relationship is one that occurs quickly after a breakup. People often get into rebound relationships because they are trying to mask the pain of a broken heart. However, we have to look at the entire picture. These relationships may numb your pain, but they will delay your healing.
When your heart is broken, you are automatically in a vulnerable state. This puts you in a position to be emotionally and sexually manipulated. Vulnerable and needy feelings are natural, but you must fight the temptations to be involved in a relationship, because you will be manipulated. Your heart will be open to anything that will mask your pain and help you feel better.
Here are some tips to help you avoid getting into a rebound relationship:
1. Evaluate the relationship. Take time to evaluate what went wrong in the last relationship and what you can do better for the next one
2. Evaluate yourself. Look in the mirror and judge yourself, because none of us are perfect in any relationship. No failure is based on one person. We’re all participators of our own pain and problems.
3. Take your time and heal. Don’t rush!
4. Learn to be happy alone.
5. Learn to seek out the core issues of your pain.
6. Get some space. There is no need to turn to someone else to replace and fulfill something in you that only God can do.
7. Forgive. Forgiveness brings closure and cleansing to your heart. If you rush into another relationship, you are not cleansing or bringing closure.
Remember, rebound relationships are an attempt to seek a quick fix to a problem that cannot be instantly solved. They are never fair to you or the other person.
Finally, if you meet someone fresh out of a relationship, do yourself and them a favor and give them time… a lot of time… and do not rush into a relationship, because it will leave their heart broken and yours as well. If you would like more help read Relationship Coaching: Healing before love and 8 signs you’re not ready for a relationship.
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This is very true, Quentin. I’ve had experience in this and I must say, rebound relationships are awful. The temptation to fall into things a person normally wouldn’t even consider doing is much greater and it’s only a temporary fix that eventually, deepens the circumstance you’re already going through.
I noticed this and when I did, I had to really question my motives and why I was in the relationship. It can be hard because at first, it didn’t seem like it was a rebound relationship, I hadn’t planned for it to be one. Yet, when I really evaluated it all, it was and I broke it off. They can be more damaging then the actual past relationship.
Ashley,
Rebound relationships are very bad in any situation. I am so glad you leaned very valuable information for yourself and those you can share your story with.
Great blog
Recently divorced so this gave me a lot of insight, hindsight.
[…] 10. He is fresh out of a relationship – Avoid rebound relationships at all costs. Learn more here-> The Shocking Truth About Rebound Relationships […]
Are rebound relationships usually entered by the partner who got ‘left’ or the person who broke it off?
[…] 6. Rushing into a relationships: We have beat this issue over the head countless times and I will continue to discuss it, because it’s a major reason for countless relationship failures and problems. Moving too fast completely hinders the development of a healthy relationship and, if someone is fresh out of relationship, they need time to heal before loving again. See blog “Rebound Relationships” […]
I met my fiance the day after he ended his relationship with another woman. We had not been seeing each other while he was with his ex, and did not even know of each other until the day after it ended. We went on our first date that night and have been together ever since. I’m not saying it’s the norm, and I’m not saying that our relationship is perfect and flawless, but rebound relationships aren’t ALWAYS a bad thing. In fact, I’ve never been as happy as I am with my fiance and I think we both would have felt worse off letting go of what we have together because he was fresh out of a relationship.
Yes they are always bad. Just because we do something that is not wise and it works doesn’t mean it has worked. Time will tell, but I highly suggest you step back from all the emotion and really see where you are with him. I’ve been counseling people over 15 years, so I am pulling this stuff out of the air it’s from years of dealing with thousands of situations. I’ve seen marriages end from people who finally admitted they rushed to get married to get over someone else, thus their current marriage was all to numb pain. Really read my article and think….it’s about trying to rationalize what you are doing to make it seem OK because only time will prove that out. I teach the rules not the exceptions, but you can never say God didn’t expose you to the realities or that you didn’t know. I suggest you really make sure he is with you for the right reasons and you are with him for the right reasons. Emotion is not love and neither is happiness…..
My fiancé and I have been together quite some time. I don’t think you can make such gross generalizations. While you may teach “the rule and not the exception,” I do not think that life has any real rules. While the majority may behave a certain way, you cannot predict certainty for everyone, and while biology does come into play without a doubt, many responses are learned responses. Because professionals like you SAY that rebound relationships are bad, we believe over time that they are. This is where group mentality comes into play. How many people that agree with the statement “rebound relationships are bad” have allowed themselves to be in a rebound relationship at all? Also, if you choose to keep referencing God, I would think that you’d acknowledge the belief that He has a plan. This would mean that a rebound relationship’s success really isn’t in our control. By your reasoning, if God wants it to be, it will be, and emotions, love, intentions, etc. would not matter. Finally, I’d like to discuss your comment about how relationships can come into perspective years later. While this may be true, this is a statement that could be true for any factor that causes a relationship to fail. Years later you could realize that you couldn’t overcome your differences. Years later you could realize that you never wanted to be married in the first place. While rebound relationships may put you at a higher risk for a breakup, I don’t think you can definitively say that it was the ultimate cause of it. And in case you were wondering, I am with my fiancé because he never gets tired of learning about me and working on our relationship. He meets my needs emotionally and physically and is respectful of my boundaries. He is open with me and discusses what he likes and does not like about our relationship. We have many shared interests, and enjoy learning about those that we do not share. He is loyal, faithful, and is the first at my side whenever I need help in any way. We have talked one on one about our concerns about jumping into a relationship. We simply figured that any relationship is a rebound from something. To everyone; Mr. McCall has very valid points, but if it genuinely works, don’t disregard it because society tells you it won’t.
I wish you and your fiancé the absolute best, there are exceptions to every rule and I pray that yours fall in that category. If you feel at peace and feel that your relationship is a gift from God give it your all and God will take care of the rest. God bless you and your upcoming marriage.
I like your blog. I am wondering Quentin. Are you married? Have you been able to successfully apply your techniques in the real world and find and marry a godly woman who is truly happy with you? I do believe what you say about rebound relationships is for the most part true, but there are exceptions I am sure. The world is not black and white, and there is nothing in the scriptures saying finding someone soon after a divorce, break up or death is a relationship doomed to failure. Sometimes having someone else during a difficult time can be a life saver for some, whether or not it ends in marriage. It was for me when my husband passed away. I did not marry the man, but he helped me greatly during a time of great grief. You may have your opinions and there is wisdom in them, but you do not know the future of everyone. I hope you understand this.
@Debra..Yes. Also of course there are exceptions to the rules. I teach the rules and not the exceptions and in most cases rebounds are a bad idea, but one is free to live the way they would like. Experience is always the best teacher and so is a wounded heart. Having someone during a difficult time is what a “friend” is for and it’s not the time to jump back into a relationship. Only a selfish person would think that would be OK or even wise….Yeah I made this mistake myself once upon a time, thus I am speaking from not only from experience of others ,but my own life. Ironically her husband died as well…..It was a bad idea. Thank you for the kind words. Blessings…
Quentin, I appreciate your response. Actually, I told that man that I would only be friends with him. He said he was coming into my life as a comfort, but then he could not help but want more from me. I really only wanted a friend and continually told him so but he kept kissing me and holding my hand. I tried to accommodate him because it seemed like I should move on, but I couldn’t emotionally. I missed my husband so much! I had to break it off with the new guy. It has only been now after three years since my husband passed away that I feel ready emotionally to love a man again. It seems impossible to just be a friend with a man if I see him very much because they always want more than to just be my friend. Therefore I only see one man at a time who I think is a good potential and who I am attracted to. I am currently dating someone I care for and we are taking it slowly. We both love the Lord and want to do things right by God. Thank you for your input and blog. You say a lot of good things to think about!
[…] Here are 7 types of people you might want to avoid dating: 1. Fresh out of a relationship. People are needy and struggling with various emotions fresh out of a relationship. Thus, they will seek to numb the pain at any cost. Avoid starting a relationship when someone fresh out of relationships. I made this mistake myself in the past. Learn more by reading How a Life Coach Overcame a Tough Break-up and The Shocking Truth About Rebound Relationships. […]
[…] (1) Fresh out of a relationship: Avoid dating a woman who is fresh out of a relationship. Allow her to close one door before opening another. Learn more by reading The Shocking Truth About Rebound Relationships. […]
I agree, it’s a terrible idea to enter a relationship while on the rebound. A week after my break up I got involved with another guy, after being with him for 3 months on and off I realized that it was a HUGE mistake and the pain was much worse then the first relationship. I miss him like crazy but I realized that it was better to walk away because it was an emotional/physical disaster. Please give yourself time to heal and reevaluate yourself and more importantly seek God.
Me and my boyfriend are in relationship for 3 years.i am 24 years old and he is 27.we were classmate in September 2009,and he tried to approach me and start friendship with me.He is a Muslim and from Bangladesh,and I’m muslim but middle eastern.He got so close to me and shared many things about his life,and told me that I am so different from other girl and I look good,so kind and understanding.he asked me about if i am in relationship,and I said I was in a relationship back in home for three years,and we were in love,but never had physical relationship due to age and religion.He was trying to show him self so conservative,and innocent.Finally after giving me so much sign that he likes me..he offered me to be in a relationship with him,and I accept it,but I said we can’t have sex,and if you think it won’t work for you,then be straight forward and he accept it and claimed that he is virgin too..we didn’t have sex for 6 months,and finally we had,even though I was so uncomfortable cause I never had this kind of experience,I start it to fall in love madly with him,do attached and extremely obsessed and jealous..I from the beginning I was suspecting and feeling insecure about everything..recently I had gut feeling that there is something wrong,finally I found his diary and saw that he wrote about a girl that he lost..! In September 2009,during the time we met,then I found a email from that girl that she said she is confused about him and needs space..but couldn’t any other evidence besides that..! During our friendship he mention about that girl with sarcasm that the girls used to like my boyfriend and not him..but now I found out that was not true..after a week of fighting and confronting with him,he confess that he used to like her and weak about her,but he never LOVED her…and finally he had sex with her and she stayed in housed too some times..he said they were classmates(friend)..And got close to each other..but she left U.S and went to brazil for a while and became weired and denying him..that’s why he felt upset and mad,and wrote in his diary..but during that time he was trying to get involve with me and pretend that he was virgin..and every time he was acting with me that I am his first lover or girl that I slept with him..and he said lie about everything for 3 years..he still says that he just liked her after sex but not loved..and I don’t believe him..he says he didn’t want to be in serious relationship with her cause she was flirting with many guys,and slept with random guy,and also she was not Muslim…that’s why..but my boyfriend was acting with me for 3 years that he never had sex or romance before..and now still he is trying to deny about Rebounding with me..the funniest thing is he wrote about me in November 2009,that he likes me and thinks I look cute and unique..and it’s rare to find someone like me in U.S …and he said he is worrying about our future and destiny..because of two different culture..I am wondering how come he hide the reality from me for 3 years,and his come he start friendship and rejayinshop with me so quick..and never mentioned about that girl and his feeling..and pretend I am the first girl he saw and love to have sex? What was the reason?and how come he could say that much lie?now I feel so betrayed,anger,jealousy..and uncomfortable..i am do shocked..please help me out..should I leave him forever??? So painful..never thought he was like that before..:(((
Just got out of a 6yr relationship 6wks ago…. reconnected with hs friend 20yrs later and he asked me out 2 days after my breakup… I put it off for 2wks and finally accepted and we are now exclusively dating and so far so good after 4wks. With my ex I had warning signs 2wks after we got together. I had started dating him a few months after I had exited a 13yr relationship. I brought so many harmful feelings to the 6yr relationship, it was bad. 3yrs ago, we split up for the first time. We got back together 4 mos later. The next yr we split up for 5mos. We got back together. We split up last yr for 8mos and since then, I had wished I never got back with him. Lots of mental, verbal, and physical abuse from him (always present over the course of 6yrs just continually escalating). Which leads me to the last breakup and new relationship. The guy I am dating is someone I normally am not attracted to but I decided to try something different. I have met a guy who I am able to communicate honestly and truthfully with,, we laugh and have so much f u n. Its a welcome relief. I am 39 as is he and he expressed his fear of being a rebound. I honestly dont feel he is. I have a totally different relationship with him tgan I had with my other two long term relationship. We are both on the same page about expectations. The similarities we share are so much more compatible than I shared with my ex of 6yrs and of 13yrs… he encourages me and I him, and all the negative thoughts I harbored with the others is negated through communication. Maybe it will last, maybe it wont but Im having fun and have met a man who respects me and doesnt pressure me to Have sex (def not ready for that yet) and can enjoy each others company.
[…] discuss rebound relationships in my article “The Dangers of Rebound Relationships.” Rebounds are only good in basketball and it’s hard to develop a healthy relationship when your […]