How many of you have been in a relationship filled with a lot of emotion and broken promises? I would say we all have experienced that at some point or another. I am sure most of us have been with person who expresses undying love one minute and then the next week they hate you.
Maybe we should all ask ourselves why do, so many relationships fail? There are varying reasons why relationships ultimately fail. I will discuss four main reasons this week and more next week. These factors are being discussed to shed light on areas we may need to judge ourselves and to think about before we enter a relationship, or that can be used to help improve a relationship on the rocks. Here are 4 factors that can contribute to a breakup:
- You are still dealing with your ex or another lover. I personally have dealt with this one in my past. Being unable to let go of a past lover ruined a relationship with amazing potential. If you are in a situation where you are still dealing with your ex or cheating with someone else this would be a great time to end this behavior. Ask yourself why you continue this behavior, and be honest in your answer. Get to the root cause and up root it. The only time dating multiple partners is acceptable if both parties agree to it.
- Failure to express desire of monogamy. If you are with someone clearly express your desire for an exclusive relationship with that person. If not express your desire to date multiple people. Either way be clear about your motives and intentions. This will help avoid a lot of problems. Some people are dating to marry and some people don’t know exactly what they desire. Some people just want sex, companionship, or time spent with someone. The key is that dishonesty kills trust, so be open and honest.
- Selfishness. This is a huge problem in relationships and marriage failures. I look at selfishness as a slow killing poison. Be very careful about giving your heart to selfish people because they will burn you. We all have the ability to be selfish, but you have to seek to be selfless. When people expect you to accept them as they are, but they expect you to be perfect they are selfish person. In a relationship selfishness will slowly erode the relationship until it’s nothing. Many people will expect of you what they themselves can’t give all in the name of “worth.” Worth is not a high-minded view as if people were born to serve and grant your every wish. Self-worth is measured in clearly knowing your worth and your ability to share that with someone else. Worth is not a slogan that means you are everything and other people are beneath you. If you struggle with being selfish don’t date or pursue meaningful relationships until you mature enough to share life with someone and don’t seek to control for your selfish purposes. Selfishness prevents you from loving someone unconditionally.
- Bad motives. Don’t have a selfish motive or any bad motive for desiring a relationship. In the end you will be hurt or hurt someone else. Date with integrity. People were not created by God to be used to numb our personal pain or until Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along.
Check back next week for more factors that contribute to relationship failure. Please remember this is to help you judge yourself, so you can make healthy relationship decisions and seek healing if you struggle with any of these problems. We all can become better than where we are today.
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Hey McCall, I read and enjoy all your blogs. How ever there was something you said in this one that i didn’t agree with and just wanted further emphasis on it and i quote” The only time dating multiple partners is acceptable if both parties agree to it.” and “If you are with someone clearly express your desire for an exclusive relationship with that person. If not express your desire to date multiple people.” From my understanding God did not say we were to date multiple people,there for always making that UN acceptable. The man is to find his wife(one person). Even in the dating stages there shouldn’t be a time where the male or female is dating “multiple” people. So i just wanted to know what you meant by that i took it as dating multiple people at the same time..which is a BIG no no. If that was someone’s intent going into the relationship that alone would turn me away from that person because me being the female WAITING on my husband i wouldn’t want to be one of “many” he is pursuing you know? So i just wanted to know just in case i misunderstood that. Thank you in advance,and God bless you for what you are doing. I haven’t missed a blog yet and will comment more.
Well actually dating is not in the bible at all. Dating is something we have come up with in the world as a process to get to know someone before moving to the biblical term of “courting.” So yes it’s perfectly fine for people to date multiple partners if that’s their personal choice. I am not suggesting people have multiple sex partners etc. So you are confusing dating with courting. You can’t get deep until you first date and get to know the person. You see this why I wrote this post because I see your concern all the time my friend. People have to be clear on the stages of dating and getting to know people,before getting emotional involved. The church has done a poor job of teaching a lot of this, thus God has given me this assignment. I will write a blog about “the stages of a relationship” in a few weeks. Thank you..
Thank you for explaining that to me! Look forward to future blogs.God Bless
Totally agree, especially with the point of selfishness. The very nature of unconditional love is to love ‘in spite of’ that notion alone speaks to selflessness. We do have to ask God to intervene as i do believe by nature we are selfish beings!
Yes Karla selfishness is the root cause to most of our problems. It is a daily battle we fight with God and not without him
I agree in order to love unconditionally you must be unselfesh. You stop your self from loving totally.. I have been guilty of this thank you Mr McCall. I read and and truely enjoy your blogs. I look at and deal with life different. Thank You, Princess
hmmmm dat is it