Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32
Bitterness and resentment are poisons that destroy our lives. We have all been hurt or caused hurt to someone else. Yes, it hurts very badly, so we want to retaliate and hurt them for hurting us. What we usually end up doing is hurting someone else because of the discretion of another who had nothing to do with hurting us. As we all know, “hurt people hurt other people.”
Sadly, we usually become the thing we hate in someone else if we don’t forgive and let go of bitterness and resentment. We have been cheated on so we cheat on someone else; we have been abused, so we abuse others. When we are in bitterness, we move over into hate, which is akin to a heart to murder someone out of anger.
I once knew a woman who was sexually abused by her father, and was also later raped. As one can imagine, sexual abuse and rape is very painful and can cause various other issues. Out of her bitterness, resentment, and inability to forgive she became sexually promiscuous in an effort to punish men for the pain of her sexual abuse and rape. The last time we spoke several years ago, she stated she had been with over 65, men and half of those were within a six -month span of deep resentment and anger. She also had the mindset of “Men do it, why can’t women?” You see, her pain is associated with men; because of her bitterness, she hates or is distrustful of all men.
Please don’t live your life scarred, or playing victim. What is most important is that we judge ourselves and make the necessary corrections about ourselves. I am a firm believer that our pain is 90% self-inflicted. We have to always check our motives for wanting people in our life and ask ourselves if these motives are healthy. For example, did you want to explore a relationship because you just wanted companionship or sex? Was it lust based on sex or physical attraction? Money? His or her career, or social standing? Many times, we attract the wrong people because we are the wrong person for ourselves. You see, bad motives or selfish desires will produce negative results every time.
Even when our motives are pure we have to first make sure we are emotionally healthy enough to have a relationship. We have to first, heal from past pain and unresolved issues. Only then can we learn to be happy alone and love self before we can love anyone else.
God has given you the authority to set yourself free and release yourself from bitterness and pain. Please don’t allow injustices of other people to cause you to miss out on God’s best for your life. I was in a relationship once where I struggled to forgive the woman because I felt so, betrayed and used by her. Ultimately, it destroyed the relationship. I know first- hand how hard it is to forgive someone. I’ve cried many nights until my pillow was washed in tears. I deeply understand disappointment, pain and struggling to forgive myself and the people who hurt me. Walking around angry and bitter about who has hurt you causes you to live that pain daily. As long as you are bitter you will repeal happiness and peace in your life.
Here are ten tips to overcome bitterness and resentment:
1. Ask God to forgive you for being bitter and resentful. Then ask him to forgive who has hurt you. “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not forgive your sins. Matt. 6:14
2. Don’t allow the bad that happened to keep you from God’s best.
3. Don’t enter a relationship or date because you will only hurt someone else.
4. Pray daily for God to heal you and research scriptures to study and apply to your life daily.
5. God will bring the justice. Your instruction is to forgive.
6. When you forgive you remove the offender’s power to hurt you. Accept what has happened and understand you have to heal. Seek professional help if necessary
7. Understand that when we continue to walk around hurt and bitter, the people who have hurt us are hurting us every day and in most cases, have moved on and are enjoying life.
8. Allow God to help you forgive and forget. Some of us don’t trust God; thus, we continue living in pain. Don’t forget to continue to ask God to forgive who has hurt you. Ask God to bless their life and heal them as well.
9. Understand that forgetting means you are letting go of what they did to you. It does not mean you have amnesia.
10. Don’t feel or act like you have to seek revenge. The Bible teaches us God will bring us our justice. He knows what was done to you and what you have done to others. “God will repay the exact compensation owed to us. He will settle and solve the cases of his people.” Hebrews 10:30
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Great lesson right here! Forgiveness is difficult, but forgiveness is for us; not necessarily the other party. I’m grateful for the gift of grace and for the opportunity to extend it to others. Nice job! 🙂
You are correct and thank you my friend.
I really needed to read this. I’m currently trying to get over a break where I was with the person for a year. As you stated in your post it hurts so much. I’m realizing that I’m going through the grieving stages and now I’m at anger. I have been staying in prayer and I know that God will release me from the anger and bitterness that have towards him. I have noticed that it gets better for me everyday. Thank you so much for this post. I will definitely have to read it more than this one time. I prayer that God continues to give you words of wisdom to share with us and to help us in our daily walk with him ~Peace & Blessings~
Hello Chelsa,
It’s a choice you make to forgive people. The bitterness (anger) only keeps us in bondage to the pain. When we forgive we really are saying we love self and we love the other person. When we don’t forgive we carry the pain around with us daily. WE have to release the bitterness to become free. You have been doing the right thing by praying , so continue praying. Make daily steps to overcome the pain as God gives you the wisdom, courage and strength you need to overcome. Remember that good or bad our relationships makes us better people and better for someone else. One ending is a new beginning, so don’t play victim. Look deep within yourself and judge where you need to grow in order to attract what God has for you. In Christ, Q
Again an on time read for me! His has begun healing me from marriage hurt and resentment, but I couldn’t pray for him….but now I see that I will never get my full deliverance until I do. Thanx again for being obedient to the Spirit of God and allowing Him to use you to impart wisdom to those of us who seek it.
Glory to God Janice…that will be your breakthrough
It is very hard to let go of the bitterness, anger and the resentment of others once you have been wronged. These feelings will take over your life and make you become someone you don’t recognize. I appreciate these words of wisdom. Thanks again Q!
Great post and tips. Forgiveness is something we should always try to practice. Sometimes it’s harder because of the offense or offender but that’s where you have to pray w/o ceasing and study the scriptures more.
I was very thankful to run across this post today because I realize that I STILL need to pray for forgiveness on a daily basis for the things I’ve done but also the things I am still holding against others. Not good and as a believer, it’s going to be an ongoing process. As you said, God will provide the justice, my instruction is to forgive. Great word.
This was so timely! I know I need to continue praying for forgiveness to sit in my heart so that I don’t dwell on what happened, but live in what is. As you said, God provides the justice, I just need to forgive and trust.
Hello my friend…so happy you were blessed. Yes, forgiveness is very important and I am so happy you understand this truth. Work Hard daily to forgive…..lack of forgiveness blocks up everything…..Forgiveness is for u…..it’s an act of love of self…..Trust God my friend….You can do it…
Great lesson on forgiveness. I am in process of forgiving the one that has hurt me. Although it is taking time, I am praying everyday for GOD to put it in my heart to totally forgive that person so I can move on with my life and be happy with me. Thank you for you encouraging words.
Joanne
What a blessing to read your words! This is something I have struggled with through a large portion of my life and I am trying to remedy my negative thinking. I’m going to print out your 10 tips as a reminder. Thank you!
@Rowena you are very welcome my friend. Thank you for reading…
So glad you were blessed and the tips blessed ur life
This is a great blog! May God continue to bless you to bless others. Powerful blog!
Thank you so much
That the right way is 2 forgive and learn and let God deal with whoever has hurt us cuz as long as we are doing right by by the Lord and keeping his commandments Then no weapons formed against us shall prosper..so with that being said we can’t control what the next human does but we can pray 4 us and not let that spirit have a hindrance over us any longer!
[…] deeper in my blog “Healing before Love” click here. If bitterness is your issue read the blog “10 steps for overcoming bitterness and resentment.” 3. You have not taken responsibility for the part you played in the failure of your past […]
I am a deeply broken woman due to the bitterness which has taken root within my soul. I have been mightily abused and used by my husband and later two of my children. The wickedness sown has fully blossomed as I am within nearly destroyed and my natural joy vanished. Satan has used these people to the fullest and I’m the one with the wreckage. Today I have realized that I’m holding onto bitterness, anger, and hate and I’m asking God to forgive me, them, and to heal me. Seems like a tiny step after so many decades of evil.
I want to get out from underneath all of this sin and pain and be free. It’s gotten so bad that death seems preferable to existing day to day in such pain.
Thank you for your teaching.
Hey Jennifer, hang in there. I know its hard but once you overcome this, your awesome testimony could be the very thing that saves someone else’s life. I’m with you on asking for forgiveness and moving forward. You can do anything with God’s help.
Jennifer,
Do not continue to allow Satan or anyone else to cause you to feel worthless. You were birth for a purpose in Christ and you must live out your purpose. Refuse to be a victim and look deeply at the root cause of things….don’t blame others look squarely at yourself. Your healing will come, but it starts with forgiveness and not being a victim, but understanding how certain things unresolved things lead to deeper issues down the road. You will be free and never speak death over your life. Speak life over you and the wonderful future ahead of you. Your pain will be your ministry to help and bless others….You are very welcome….Pray hard and seek your healing…..with action, effort and discipline….
Jennifer do not allow the anger and bitterness to eat at you! I to have been cheated on and verbally abused by my 1st and 2nd wife. Now my 3rd wife after 23 years is playing games on me and I feel as if I do not even know her! I am in a lot of emotional pain and pray to God everyday for relief from this burden . I will say a prayer for you and pray to God to heal you from all of this. Take care my friend
Hi,
As I write this, tears are streaming down my face and my heart is breaking. After pointing the finger at everyone else (including God), I realized that all my lifelong heartache and pain is because of my choices. It’s a very hard pill to swallow. Whoever reads this, PLEASE pray for me. I just want to stop hurting (others and myself), being lonely and promiscuous. Sometimes I wondered whether I didn’t recognize His past healing or even me being in the process of it. I am a completely broken woman who is slowly being convinced I’ll never be normal and happy. I am just really tired and with little hope. My life right now: I lost my job with no savings, am in big debt and the guy I moved in with has fallen back in love with his ex-wife and is secretly planning to move out of the area (he owes me thousands of dollars).
I feel so defeated, depressed, worthless, sad, angry, resentful, bitter. I just want to be happy. I remember when I was trying to live obediently, I actually woke up singing to God. At that time, I just wanted to please and worship HIm. That was the best feeling and right now it’s a sad memory. I am a serial backslider.
Thank you for listening and allowing me to open up. There is some temporary relief.
Terry,
Im so sorry that you were hurt that way. I have also lost everything and am currently living with friends. I have 4 children and have been tortured by my ex husband for over 14 years. I know that what is holding me back is my inabilty to forgive and trust in God. By not forgiving him I have become the same evil that I loathe in him. I am trying my hardest daily to make peace with what is and let go of what was. If you ever need someone to talk to you are more than welcome to contact me. I could share more but I try not to relive things over and over in thought or speak it because it just gives power to the pain. You are not alone. I am reminded daily by others stories that many people hurt and have hurt just as I have.
Ellen
This helps alot
Quentin-
This is two days in a row that I’ve read your blogs for the 1st time. Shame on me! All things in God’s time my friend. Thank God someone tweeted it because this piece is awesome! Continue letting the Lord use you. You are a blessing to many!
Hey Sis! I am shocked, but I am grateful that you took time to read this article. I am very thankful for your kind words my friend. I appreciate you very much! I agree God’s time is always better than our time!
Terry. I pray for you!
I have been a Christian for 7 years & suffered a bad relationship that drove got me into a bitterness without me realising. When I got into the next relationship I was insecure, untrusting & fearful. I caused alot of pain to the other person (which I regret )until I came to a point of realisation. I knew I had done so much damage & I needed to step back and let God heal me before I can relate healthly. I am on that road now & very excited! Thank you for providing this material.
Shamim, You are on your way to healing. The first step was realizing what you have written. You are so very welcome. Thank you for the kind words.
Why do you insist that one needs God for help? You can always go to a counselor for help. I’m working on a novel that deals with this very thing. A red fox by the name of Rita Landow was sexually abused by her father, thus resulting in her becoming hateful and bitter and a binge eater and a prostitute.
Brandon,
In case you have not noticed….I am a Christian Counselor and Life Coach, thus this is a faith based blog based on the word of God…Having a relationship with God is apart of healing. I am also big on counseling as well….I think the Church does not talk about and encourage counseling enough, so I agree counseling is important.
Hello Quentin I just discovered ur blog by accident bc I started googling how to get rid of anger and hatred bc I’m realizing that is not right and I’m not liking the person that I become when I allow it to take over my thoughts n emotions n my kids notice it n don’t like to b around me. The sad part is that I’m still in the environment that’s making me unhappy bc I’m really trying to work it out but I don’t think there’s hope bc of the memories. I’m in a three relationship that started off sour, yes I unfortunately cheated very early on in the relationship with my ex that I had some unresolved things with him. I’m talking about two weeks into our new relationship, ge decided to stay n we working it out but needless to say he cheated several of times n blamed me, I accepted responsibility n forgave moved on but the story got better, I knew he had three kids and I was ok with it. Two years into our relationship I discovered he had a daughter I then asked if there was anything else I needed to know he said no. I forgave again moved on to find out again he has two other kids that refuses to have relationships with totaling 6 kids. Forgive me but had I known 6 kids were involved I would’ve never considered this relationship. I tried to accept this n move on and honestly it’s hindered our relationship n my happiness. It’s been nothing but lies with him and I have a lot of hate n resentment towards him and his kids. It’s to the point when his 3 original kids come over I started having hatred towards them as well as they knew about the kids n everyone kept it a secret! When they are around they make me miserable n I’m nasty n it’s not like me but I can’t seem to control my anger n hatred for all of them. I know my boyfriend senses it and it makes me question his motives for staying. I really need some help and direction bc I know this relationship needs to end but I don’t know how bc The only positive is that he’s been really good to my boys. Really looking for some objective feedback bc the few friends I have n know tell me I need to leave him bc I deserve better. I just know it will get ugly. Thanks for listening!
What are the actions of forgiveness? If someone says I forgive you but I dont want anyting else to do with you and when you see the person in a store or restaurant and she wont speak and just leaves. I see forgiveness as a change of heart and the problem resolved.I have tried 3 times for us to work out our disagreement but she wont talk to me . Still says she forgives .Should she treat me this way?
I’m praying to be healed as a result of a tumultuous situation where the man sent me on a rollercoaster ride, from one day to the next. I forgave him numerous times for the wrongs done to me and still attempted to make it work despite him telling me in not so many words I wasn’t good enough to be monogamous with. We had a horrible argument where my temper flared to its highest pitch and he’s placing all the blame on me, refused to speak to me and says he wants nothing to do with me. I feel so stupid. I can forgive others who hurt me, but never myself. I need God’s help in realizing I’m worth more, but it is easier said than done. Thank you so much for this post, it has helped.
I’m so ashamed, I left my marriage for someone else. That someone married shortly after our relationship began. It’s now been three yrs, and of course he says hes leaving but no money to do so. I’ve built up so much animosity towards him , I feel so much anger. Hurt, sad, I feel I lost myself. First off I do know i caused this for myself. I know its not right. What I’m looking for is how can I find rhe strength to move on, respect myself, regain some dignity and stop myself from blaming him and having so much anger towards him. My first love was abusive, my second I hurt, and now the one I thought was my soulmate belongs to someone else. I feel so ashamed.
I have been blessed
The women sleeping with all the men has no self worth. She does
not have bitterness or resentment. She believes her purpose is only
for use, to be used.
She is a unique child of God, whom God loved and pictured in His heart before he made the earth.
She really is only being used. We need to pray for her. As prayer
transcends earthly matter and is a independent force, where Heaven touches the earth.
Jesus is the Great Healer. She needs the Healer.
Awesome thank you!
So easily said and yet so hard to do… I’ve tried so many times and prayed as much. Thinking I had forgiven someone and even myself, yet the moment something occured out of the window it went. It’s so hard but so beneficial, I’ll keep trying eventually I’ll get it…. Great word!!!!! I NEEDED THIS…
@Letitia …Anything that’s needed is never going to be easy, but based on what you are just wrote tells me you haven’t forgiven. When you have truly forgiven and healed you don’t allow the memories to control your present. What I would suggest to you is that you seek out additional help in the form of a counselor to help you work through the “deeper” root causes of your pain. You can do it and with God nothing is far from you. YOu have to wake up daily with grace and forgiveness in your heart…You have to be intentional about it my friend..
What if the relationship continues to hurt? The Lord asked me to marry a man over 26 years ago. He has huge issues, emotional, psychological and neurological ones. I did not understand the dynamics of those issues until very recently. We even had divorced because of the abuses we suffered. But, after having gotten some significent inner healing for other wounds that go back to my own past, I heard the Lord asking me to seek reconciliation with him, which I did. Since we remarried, over two years ago, his behaviour has not improved at all. But we all have a better idea of his health related issues. Asperger’s, OCD, ADHD, a learning disability and parents who were abusive in their own way, maybe because most of these things my husband has were inherited. My original question above has to do with my ridding my heart of bitterness, which has crept back into my inner life. I admit I am angry at God, confused and very angry towards my husband, once again. I am dealing with ongoing behaviour which may never change in my husband. How do I keep myself from responding in this manner? He is unable to provide even the smallest amount of emotional support and is highly hostile most of the time. I have to run the whole household, on top of managing domestic issues, with no family support. We also have two children, one of whom has Down Syndrome and one who has mild OCD and the same learning disability as his Dad, but who is NOT abusive in any manner. But he is mildly depressed and has put up the same walls I have in order to survive the horror of day to day living in our household. I am burnt out from being here, but the Lord has made it very clear that I am to be here. He has prevented me from earning my own income over and over again, etc. I KNOW I am hearing from God. Any ideas, thoughts?…
Then how do you get over the resentment of it taking you nearly 40 years to get to the spot mentally and emotionally that other’s take for granted due to Higher Autism.
How do you get over “all the lost” opportunity you long for and want so very badly. And how do you get over the extreme uncertainty of the future.As all you can think of is “When, Where, How Long, and How Rich Will those next opportunities be. To finally make up for being without so long in the past?
Simple message but hits the core.
I just want to thank the Lord for falling upon this website . I was wanting to know if there are other audios I can listen to. Thanks-tmely
I’ve been holding on to plan, anger and resentment for too lon against the person I called my mother. For years I heard you came from nothing and if it wasn’t for her I would of been worst off. For years I was basically controlled and made to believe that if I didn’t follow her way I was wrong. But the biggest thing is to be told God won’t hear my prayers because I’m wicked and heartless all because I want to be independent at the age of 24 and have my own stuff so I don’t have to rely on her my whole left. But I need to and want to be free from it all so I’m praying everyday he heals me. Thank you for this message.
this is the kind of stuff i realy needed to read i have grown up with so much pain that has made me very bitter and resentful especially towards my family members. this has greatly affected my relationship with my son i want tonight after reading your article to commence on the road to forgiveness all i need are intercesory prayers and Gods inervention
I have read this three times now. I read it every time I begin to feel angry. Nine months ago my fiancée came home and announced that she no longer loved me then left. I lost my job, my apartment and my car in the process. I fell into a deep depression that lasted eight months. Though I am free of my depression I am far from free of my pain and anger. It is difficult to forgive her. I can’t seem to forgive her and let her stay forgiven. I can’t shake the bitterness I have for her. It has tainted my view of women as well as she isn’t the first to hurt me badly. And she was everything to me and I meant nothing to her. I don’t know how to just forgive her and let her remain forgiven.
I was raped when i was 18. I was a virgin and wanted to wait until I was married. I was devastated and my life started to fall apart. I had a hard time keeping a job and I picked abusive men which fueled my anger, hate, and resentment. I became a person I did not like and hurt others. I was raped again 3 years ago more resentment, anger, and bitterness. God has put it heavy on my heart that if I am to have the kind of relationship that I want with him and a happy peaceful life I need to totally let go. There is still a piece that I hold onto but I am praying and reading articles such as yours. I have taken my responsibility of what I have done and even e-mailed and forgave the person that most recently raped me. I realize however that God doesn’t ask us to just kind of forgive, which there is no such thing, God asks me to forgive and love my offenders. I am understanding that people who do these sorts of things are hurting and it is not that we are less and that is why they did it. I put myself in two risky situations with people that looking back I could see the lack of charecter. I am struggling with this last bit of truly letting go and loving them. I have prayed for them. I have looked at how bad they must feel inside themselves for what they did. Looking back neither of them were happy people even admitting that to me afterwards and saying I do not like myself much right now. Does it still hurt? yes. With the power of God and a good counselor I am figuring out that I am depressed because I have given these people power and I became someone I did not want to be. I am a work in progress, we all are. Understanding our role and not being the victim is the first step. I appreciate everyone’s comments. Keep believing in the awesomeness of God’s ability to forgive us and it makes it much easier or at least puts us on the right path to forgiveness and healing.
Thank you so much! Surely these words aren’t empty…its has really touched me!
Thanks and may God bless you.I have been strongling with bitterness, recentment and anger because i got to learn of my husband’s unfaithfulness. Though he had appologised and promised never again but often times when i remember it i visibly hate him. Thanks for you word. God will help me out completely. Now i must forgive which must show in my reaction though it hurts.
Bitterness is a destroyer. Can one overcome it? Having been genuinely hurt?
My question is ¿Why do we allow people to hurt us? I´m in a mouring stage because I feel deply hurt by my two kids.One is verbaly abusive, tough, unkind and selfish..The other married a woman who does not like me and he has growwn apart from me because of this. I made an effrot to make this work out, but no one seems to change. I have to let go and let God. But the memories of hurts come to my mind and It´s hard to get rid of them. I´m sure that I will forgive but I need to stop putting myself in the position to be hurt again. I can´t be anyone´s punching bag or nisusance in a marriage. Letting go all my dreams and expectations is a very sad proces. Why do we allow in the name of “love” to be hurt that much? Can someone tell me?
M vry blessed
I needed to read this I have been very angry and bitter towards the woman that gave birth to my child. I have been desiring revenge just to make her feel what I feel. These emotions have caused me great pain and has taking everything out of me even when I ask god to rid me of these feelings I still find myself doing malicious things I am disgusted with the fact I let another persons actions dictate my actions. I used to believe every action causes a reaction and that was my way of justifying the wrong I was doing, but after speaking with an older male who has experienced my pain and reading this blog I realize the error in my ways. All I want is my peace of mind and happiness back
I have found some very helpful advice in this website. I have some questions, where is the best place to send them too? Thanks.
Thank you Mr. McCall. It was very helpful.
good stuff
What if I did all of these things – perhaps even to an immaculate degree. Yet still then went on to suffer, anxiety and panic, further jobs loss, further bullying because of anxiety, massive depression. And, last but not least, having climbed out from under all of that -still positive, still forgiving of others whilst humble over my own faults… what if then, I face yet another stigma and sufferring -namely, repeated difficulty with employment, only this time because of the past (and my avoidance of the work place because of the daily sexual bullying encountered there).
…How does a person deal with having done everything right -yet they go on being punished, whilst those who tortured her get let off the hook.
How do I accept all of that?
Hey Quentin, I just stumbled upon your article and from what you wrote sounds like me. I am struggling with my demons of unforgiveness and bitterness, and anger. This has ruined my marriage and I am partially to blame because I cannot control my tongue when angered. Obviously all of this comes from my deeper issues and I thought I was ready for marriage but failed terribly it with lack of control of emotions…. I am deeply depressed because I have impacted my wife negatively by fighting her fireiwith fire and not being the man in my marriage and recounting old hurt when I have a disagreement with her. I am so ashamed Quentin and I am alone in this… I sob periodically because my words cut her deep and she’s forgiven me too many times… we were supposed to get counselling this month but financially on my part it never happened. I need a soul cleansing because I am a broken man… I wish I dealt with my demons long ago before it brought me down this much… God forgive me, I am dying inside and don’t know who to turn too. I will go speak to a pastor I feel terribly I love this woman so much!
Chi
Firstly turn to God
I know how you are feeling as i have been the same, I have carried my bitterness, hatred and unforgivness with me through my life like a snail with its shell. I am also newly married and all of this has been carried into my relationship, i have hurt my wife with terrible words but through her knowing how much the Lord loves her she in turn has been able to love and guide me. God forgave everything but we must also forgive and accept His forgivness for our hatred, bitterness and anger towards others. God forgave us and through this we can also forgive and accept forgivness. Love Chi and accept Love my brother in Christ
Have been blessed indeed. Forgiveness very important.
This is great, I am realy blessed. May GOD strengthen you the more in Jesus’ name.
I’m trying to heal from being mentally abused by my father and sexually abused by my mother. I have alot of bitterness but I try to stay willing to let it go and move on and live with love and peace. It’s hard though, and almost every day I wake up very angry and easily annoyed.
This post helped me though and inspired me, and made me realise that some of the stuff I’ve figured out I have to do on my own, is the right way. Thanks. =)
I took 45 years before turning to God and have been praying and trying to overcome anger and bitterness that has been rooted so deep since nearly birth for many many hurts, abuses and illnesses I won’t expound on. All the effort in the world over the last 4 1/2 years since I turned to God seems thwarted constantly through even more deep injustice, some being done that causes my child to be put in danger. People keep talking stabs at me, lying to me, using me and putting me through so much hurt. I say over and over I forgive and have the hurt they’ve done shoved in my face. How can I finally be free from the anger if it keeps getting fed and won’t go away? I just want it gone. I’m tired of crying, pleading with God to take it away, tired of having to keep battling this. God promises healing and freedom from bondage and I just want to really experience them both. How can I do this?
I’m kind of in tears right now. It’s so hard sometimes. Especially when the person doesn’t even really know the extent to which you hurt. and it’s like you feel like how is it that they’re allowed to just go live their life, and they seem to just keep having one great thing happen to them after another, and you’re stuck with things they “gave” you or put in your head that you simply have to now deal with for the rest of your life. It’s so hard. I usually don’t like these self help type things . Most of the time I read things and they seem patronising, or geared towards people with very simple problems or with no actual complications or realistic outlooks on life. this one, I liked the bible references. thank you. I’m just in tears. It has been too long. Tears…every day.. for way too long. I keep trying and trying, and everytime I think I make progress I find myself just back where I started. And I feel like in my loneliness I’m very close to hurting people. I feel like such a horrible person. Because I am so scared of hurting someone else. Yet I’m terrified coz I dunno if I can ever be close to anyone ever again and I just feel so utterly destroyed and beaten down. And I want to forgive. But it’s so hard. I can’t seem to forgive myself either for my part. I feel like because I was lonely maybe I ended up in a relationship (and in love with) with someone who was hurting me, and then I hurt THEM (thru letting the relationship continue. by letting them continue to do the hurtful things they were doing. By not walking away. – And by them falling in love with me… they fell in love first… then I did too.) but from it all….. they ended up just fine. and I ended up with the good things I had before simply taken from me, ripped away… and burdens placed on me. Ones I simply have no choice but to live with. I am so incredibly angry and resentful and jealous and hurting. And I don’t want to be that person. But I hurt so much. Anyway, I have bookmarked this article and will refer to it often. I like the biblical references. I was searching online for things in the bible to help with anger and forgiveness (of others and one’s self) and resentment. This article is good. the biblical references, are what makes the difference for me. Thank you. (long comment lol. that’s ok. I kinda feel like it’s anonymous so i’m good with just rambling and getting some stuff out). Thanks again, Rachel.
Good info.
Thank you so much for this. I sometimes feel like its my right to be resentful. But I have no right to give that person so much power over myself. God will take care of it. He wants me to forgive and move on.
Wow, this is exactly what I needed to this moment, thank you so much! I hope I will be able to apply this quickly, I have been consumed by darkness for some time now, but just came to the realization recently,
Thank you for this post. I am struggling daily with overcoming and forgiving 20 years of infidelity and addictive behaviour brought to our home by my now ex husband, that only came to light a few years ago. I struggle with trusting that God has his own path and will judge and act appropriately to balance the scales as the other party couldn’t care less and more besides has been nothing but further trouble since this came out. I really struggle with this and forgiving where repentance does not reside. Part of me wishes no on any ill luck etc but there is the part that would like to see justice for what was done here to me and our children. Especially as it didn’t stop and he has done anything to make life more difficult because I wont take him back and have set boundaries for me and my family. I have difficulty forgiving what I see as spiteful, controlling and mean spirited behaviour and games and manipulation and lies. Its the closest I believe I have come to describing something as evil. I can only turn this over to God and hope I have enough faith and trust.