“Always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” -2 Timothy 3:7
Have you been in a fight before and every time that person throws a punch, you tighten up and prepare for the punch only to find out it didn’t hurt as much because you prepared for it? Want to know when a punch really hurts? It’s when someone punches you unexpectedly, because you were not expecting it. I am trying to prepare you ahead of time so it won’t hurt…
I wish singles knew these things before marriage:
-Marriage is not about “This person is going to make me happy.” That’s too much responsibility for one person to carry. Learn to be a servant of your spouse. God is more concerned about you being holy than happy. Marriage is about learning to love an imperfect person (yes, you have issues also)…for life. Marriage is more like “How can I please you?”
“Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25); this includes when your spouse has off days too. We must learn how to love our spouse unconditionally. The more we learn about meeting our spouse’s needs, the smoother our marriage will become. Most people are afraid to meet their spouse’s needs because they feel it won’t be reciprocated. The one you marry should be filled with God’s spirit, because they will feel convicted when they are not reciprocating love back to you.
-Just because you’re married now doesn’t mean the rest of the human race becomes ugly in appearance. Singles think since they have a spouse now they won’t become tempted because they married what they are attracted to. Remember: Marriage is not a fire extinguisher! If you don’t tame your flesh as a single, marriage won’t change it.
Ever wonder why there is so much infidelity in today’s society? Sorry to break the news to you, but our flesh is never satisfied. “Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content” (Ecclesiastes 1:8). However, in marriage, having a healthy sex life is a great tool against adultery.
-Never underestimate premarital counseling. I tell singles, if the one you plan on marrying doesn’t want premarital counseling, I question the one you are about to marry. “Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success” (Proverbs 15:22). Some people don’t want to wait for premarital counseling because of a lack of self-control; they are ready to jump in the bed. Some don’t want the counselor’s advice because that person’s mind is made up – “I’m going to marry him/her no matter what” (that happens sometimes because that couple already had sex).
Go through premarital counseling. Sometimes that counselor/pastor can see some things we can’t (which will help you later on down the road). Respect your pastor’s decision. We love for our pastor to speak over and prophecy in our lives, but once he tells us to wait we want to leave the church.
-It’s ok to celebrate each other’s differences. I know you don’t see this now because you are living in a different household than the one you and your spouse will have (I hope so). Over time, in marriage, one can become frustrated with their spouse’s uniqueness. For example, they might not do things the way you do them, simply because they were raised in a different household. Maybe they were the only child and you had brothers and sisters. When letting your spouse be themselves, it will take a load off your shoulders from you trying to change them. Usually the first year of marriage is the toughest because of two people from different homes are trying to discover the culture of their home. True love is when you let your spouse be themselves and yet love them unconditionally. God is the same way with us, right? How do you feel about this? Comment below….
About the Author: Shon was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio for 25 years and in 2005 moved to Phoenix, Arizona with his family. He is happily married for nine years to Londina and has two children. Shon is the owner of Never Again Ministries which promote Marriage Enhancement and Holistic Relationships in God. He’s an Author, Speaker, Ordained Minister, and Mentor and hosts his weekly radio show “The Doctor of Love” show. www.neveragainministries.info
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Another awesome blog!! Marriage is something that I desire and I am believing God for my Husband, if it is His will. My point, while waiting for God to answer our prayers we should be preparing for what we are believing Him for. Your blogs…aide me in my preparation, spiritual preparation and help me to see the practical side of the messages you share. You are truly blessed and I pray that God blesses you triple over (1 Cor 2:9-10) beyond what you could imagine!! Keep up the God work!! 🙂
wow!
thank you sooo much for this, I will put this in application.
bless you bro
Great post, I especially liked when you said never underestimate pre marital counseling, hubby and I took that class and it opened up our eyes to things we never thought of before. It allowed us to make radical changes within ourselves before we jumped into our sacred union. Thanks again!
Great advice. Thx
Great read!!!! I can’t absolutely agree being divorced and remarried. The things I didn’t know in my first marriage are exactly the things mentioned. I learned better and when I knew better I was ready to be married again. Pre-marital counseling was the best thing my husband and I did for each other.
Thank you for these lessons!
you are very welcome
These are great points. I definitely recommend premarital counseling, because you never know all there is to know before marriage regardless to how smart you may think that you are.
Awesome read! I am currently single , never been married, but I desire to be a wife one day, God willing. But in the mean time I want to glean all I can from God and articles like this. May God continue to bless the work of your hands! This was a blessing to me!
[…] 7. “I’ve had several broken relationships and I thought marriage would help make my life better.” If the relationship is broken without marriage, getting married will not solve the problems. Getting married will not fix people. Things I Wish Singles Knew Before Marriage…. […]
Thank you so much sir.I’ve learnt a lot of basic true facts and I’ll put them in to practise immediately.God bless!
Great advice! I recently stumbled upon your website while sifting through facebook. I’m so glad I did. Your topics are poignant and insightful. I really needed this. Thanks!
I am very happy to have u. Thank you for the kind words….
I agree that if you do not tame your flesh while single, marriage is not going to tame it! Married men have recently made advances to me. I wondered, what is wrong, aren’t they ever satisfied?
My main take out was on singles TAMING their FLESH as a way of preparing for a good marriage without dragging baggage into it – which I am currently doing on a daily basis.
“Marriage is about learning to love an imperfect person” – this was also very important a truth to learn.
thanks Quentin..i learnt something new.i go in not to search for happiness but to give of what i have.hmm. thanks
Awsome advice!!!