I get questions all the time from married people and those who have recently divorced. Additionally, after counseling 100’s over the years, once I was able to get to the root of many of their problems, I’ve noticed a common theme. It relates to the honest reason of why they got married in the first place.
I think a lot of you would be surprised at how dishonest people are about the real reason they got married. In counseling sessions, people tend to lie at first and then later admit the truth as I lead them down the path of personal accountability. In my opinion, if most people invested in very good pre-marital counseling, along with healthy dating and courting, our divorce rates would see a decline. Sadly, some people’s motives for marriage are based in selfish reasons and emotional choices ruled by unresolved emotional wounds. This negatively impacts one’s ability to make a healthy choice about who to marry or even to hear God about the wisdom to choose.
I’m about to share several bad reasons to get married. Now, there is no judgment or condemnation in this list. So, if you got married because of one of the reasons, I pray you have learned from it and become a better person as a result of it. Good or bad, all of our relationships should make us better human beings.
Now, here are 9 terrible reasons to get married:
1. “I got pregnant.” Getting married only because of an unplanned pregnancy is not a good idea.
In all the years I have ministered to people this is something I’ve heard over and over again. Getting married and having an unstable home hurts the child and everyone involved, because people who get married for this reason (in my experience) usually end in divorce.
2. “My Mom or Dad pressured me.” Here we have a common, but rarely discussed, problem. Often parents give hints through questions, such as, “Why aren’t you married yet?” or “Why can’t you ever keep a relationship?” So, when you do meet a “good” man or woman, in their eyes, they will push you to marry them before you are ready. Marry someone based on common values, character, and hearing from God… not family. I am not suggesting family opinions are not important or that you should ignore them, but the ultimate decision comes down to God and the people getting married.
3. “I didn’t want to be alone.” Getting married because you feel you will spend the rest of your life alone will only lead to co-dependency and a potentially failed marriage. Not being able to be alone with yourself and God speaks to deeper emotional issues. Being happy alone with God is a perquisite to marriage. It means you are emotionally and spiritually whole.
4. “My motives were wrong.” People with wrong motives seek to get married to gain something financially, sexually or emotionally. I’ve seen people have no love for who they married, but they were in love with the things they would gain. They even reasoned that they would eventually grow to love the man or woman over time. Never consider marrying anyone based solely on material or financial means. Have a pure heart and motives for being with someone and not a goal to use people for your own selfish reasons.
5. “I was tired of being single.” It’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. Learn more here-> 9 Reasons Why Being Single Is Good For You
6. “I felt an obligation to get married.” Often, when we are in long-term relationships, we feel an obligation to marry who we are with. Maybe we told them we would or wanted to, but we can change our mind for whatever reasons. Never marry out of feeling obligated or that you owe it to them. If you don’t want to get married, then don’t get married.
7. “I’ve had several broken relationships and I thought marriage would help make my life better.” If the relationship is broken without marriage, getting married will not solve the problems. Getting married will not fix people. Things I Wish Singles Knew Before Marriage….
8. “I had a fantasy of a big and nice wedding, but I never thought about what it actually meant to be married.” This person was more concerned about preparing for a wedding than actually having a marriage. Never get so caught up in the one-day event that you neglect to consider the fact that marriage is a lifetime event. As singles, we have to learn in our singleness that we are preparing ourselves to be the best we can be to share life forever with someone. Marriage will expose every flaw, weakness, and selfish bone in our body.
9. Here is an example of why sex before marriage or sexual abuse causes problems and clouds our judgment.
“To be honest with you, I married him because of sex, but the sex was not good once we got married. I thought it would get better and I had an unhealthy experience tied to being molested.“
This particular female was sexually abused (from a small child to the age of 16 years old). Because her attacker chocked her during the molestation, she grew up thinking that was what she needed for her sexual pleasure and this became a sexual fetish for her. Any form of consensual or non-consensual sex can impact us so much that we begin to judge who our mates should be based on those unhealthy sexual soul ties. We have to heal from old sex partners and purge our spirits of them before marriage. Learn more about sexual soul ties here 3 Things You Need To Know About Sexual Soul Ties….and 5 ways To Overcome Sexual Soul Ties.
We should always be in prayer for the victims of sexual abuse.
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