Relationship Coaching: Healing before love

To gain the “true love” you must desire to heal.

Isaiah 43:18Healing before love

18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past

True love requires holding hands and walking as one are you willing to give of yourself to walk the journey?

Many times in life we seek or desire love in our life. We all hunger to love and be loved. Some of us seek aspects in others we can’t give. Many people desire love, but can’t love. Many desire companionship when they really are just afraid to be alone. Many desire sex when they really want love. Many seek love and give their bodies in hopes they will be loved in return. Sadly, many people who desire true love don’t know what love is and what it is not. Even though love is a choice and a responsibility, we all possess the language of love……

Not being able to give in return for what you desire is selfish and says you have an incorrect motive for wanting or desiring love. How many people do you think ever ask the question how can I better love this man or woman? How can I add or make his/her life happier? How can I help him/her reach a true/real purpose in God? Well, some of you if you are honest never have asked these questions or sought their answers. Likely your thoughts have only ranged from “can I trust him/her?”

You have had a lot of fear, doubt, and disbelief…you thought only about what another person can do for you..”Hey can he/she make me happy? Hmmm he/she looks good……ooooooooo “so fine” …hmmmmm “I wonder what he/she is like in bed?”…..hmmmmmm “How big is it?” “How can he/she work it?” Can he/she work it like (insert name)?” Hmmmm…….of course you also have the casual positive thoughts of “awwwww you are so sweet…come here baby” “give me kiss”, “give me a hug”…….

Do those thoughts read like someone interested in a true love relationship or do these thoughts sound like someone only interested “in love” relationship based on pleasure/lust and probably just their own pleasure? (I’ll talk about “in love” versus “love” in a future blog)

If we don’t know what is truly important in a loving relationship, we will always have unfruitful relationships. Relationships are not something you enter into to gain something for yourself. It means, bringing something amazing/vital/important into the life of another person. Incorrect motivation creates broken hearts, homes, marriages, and only deepens unresolved issues. Many still hurt today from relationships that happened five years ago or more!!!! These same people then wrongly decide to enter another relationship knowing they still long for someone else…. You have to close one door before you can open another… Anytime you allow pain from someone or something to affect you today…you are still giving that person or thing power over your life. And that prevents new life and new relationships.

Last night some men and women performed what I term “vaginal masturbation” These are people who are married or unmarried and engage in sex, but mentally are fantasizing about a past lover. Yeah that’s heavy, but it’s true How painful is it to know that you were maybe that man or woman on the either end of the spectrum? Please be prayerful about who you give your heart to and make sure you’re not still carrying the spirit of another, before trying another relationship.

People have to stop ruining other people’s desire to truly love because they have not yet closed the door on their own past. You can’t expect to build a fruitful relationship when your heart is still with someone else. It’s not fair to yourself or the person whom you are with. Jumping from bed to bed….dating man after man or woman after woman will not heal your wounds. The temporary comfort you feel can only be plagued with more unhappiness. A person being “fine” or “sexy” in your eyes will not produce love……seek to let go of your past if you truly desire “true love and understand that “sex is not love” ……..

Don’t go shopping, traveling, clubbing (the devil’s church), drinking, or anything similar just to make yourself feel better. Your actions, will only lead to deeper problems. In the past I have done all the above …….so I got all the t-shirts!

So for those who say they’re still hurting because of an ex hubby okay what did you do? So for those who say they’re still hurting from an old relationship okay what did you do? Before you play the victim “play the judge and look in the mirror.” See all your pain …and say guess what? I am the common denominator here…..

Learn how to be alone with God and seek to heal….know that no man or woman can do for you like Jesus can……you can’t have a good relationship with anyone until you let go, learn how to hold hands with God and walk the journey together as ONE.

Be encouraged, and if you need healing don’t suffer in silence get the help you need. Always seek to focus on the root cause of your actions and that will tell you why you do something. God loves you and he wants you to be everything he birthed you to become. I pray you all have been blessed.

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In his love, Quentin…..