Getting over an ex can be one of the most difficult things in the world for some people. Often our emotions, unresolved issues, expecting what we can’t give, and selfishness all cause us to attract the wrong people. A bad break-up is the perfect time to fully examine who you are and not play victim.
Here are 14 tips for getting over an ex:
1. Be Accountable. Learn what is wrong with you. Turn the mirror around on yourself and clearly see yourself for who you are. Is fear of being alone the problem? Are you easily moved by looks and money? Are you secretly looking for a mother or father you didn’t have? Do you have unresolved pain you are trying to numb through sex and companionship? Do you have lust or love addiction? Are you thinking that just because someone has everything on your list, they automatically have character? Don’t worry about a list…focus on character and common values and you will not need a list.
2. Don’t play victim. As stated before, we attract what we are. Thus, we are all participators in our pain and rarely victims. When we identify certain negative traits of what we are attracting, then we can stop the abuse and pain we feel. We have to understand the other person has issues as well and they must do the same introspection.
3. Get rid of all items they gave you. In my article “5 ways to Overcome Sexual Soul Ties”, I address the need for you to get rid of items people have given you. Holding onto items just reminds you of that person and gives you a connection to them. This includes photos, furniture, sex toys, lingerie, etc. I know some of you have kids from your ex and, of course, you can’t give something as beautiful as a child back. In these cases, I want you to view your beautiful children as a positive outcome of the relationship.
4. Overcome the sexual and emotional soul ties. Remember, soul ties feel like love. See my article about “5 Ways to Overcome Sexual Soul Ties.” Also, go to this link to learn “3 Things You Need to Know about Soul ties.”
5. Seek professional help for your deep rooted issues. Deep rooted issues (e.g. sexual abuse, rape, lack of affirming love as a child, etc..) are the things that lead us to seeking comfort in the arms of men and women. The core must be healed. We have plenty of people walking with God, but having yet to be healed. Healing is three-fold (spiritual, psychological, and emotional). Thus, strengthening your personal relationship with God, seeking help from a professional and getting guidance from a pastor or minister, is more effective.
6. Don’t shelter yourself and go into hiding. Connect with friends and people who care about you. In my article “7 Confessions of How a Life Coach Overcame a Break-up,” I talk about how I made the mistake of sheltering myself while trying to overcome a tough break-up.
7. Don’t go shopping, clubbing, partying, sleeping around, etc… in an attempt to numb the pain. There is no such thing as retail therapy, because money problems are just symptoms of deeper issues. We can never out shop or out spend our pain. This behavior only leads to debt, living paycheck to paycheck, and being broke.
8. Don’t rebound into a new relationship. Rebound relationships may numb your pain, but they will delay your healing. Read my article “The Shocking Truth About Rebound Relationships.”
9. Learn relationship skills that can benefit you in your next relationship.
10. Really understand what it means to love unconditionally. Read my article “Relationship Coaching: Love is a Choice.”
11. Avoid contact. Don’t call, email, or text your ex. Also, don’t allow him or her to contact you.
12. Take a trip to a place alone; where you can have pure self-reflection and re-energize yourself. If you don’t know your purpose, seek God’s purpose and plan for your life outside of a man or woman.
13. Learn how to be truly single. Being happy alone with God is the perquisite before a serious relationship or marriage. Read my article “9 Reasons Why Being Single is Good For You.”
14. Forgiveness. Forgiveness is more for you than for the person who hurt you. Forgiveness begins your healing. Read my article…”7 Reasons Why You Forgive and Forget.”
What has been your greatest challenge with overcoming a break-up?
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