Relationship Coaching: Love is a choice

Relationships: Love is a ChoiceLove is a human hunger we all desire. God placed this beautiful desire within us. We all have a love “tank” that needs to run on full instead of empty. This doesn’t have to be limited to romantic love since the love of family and friends is needed as well. Love is what makes life beautiful and worth living. From a personal standpoint, as I’ve gotten older and obtained some success, I’m able to appreciate the simple things even more. One of those things is “love”. My car does not give me a feeling of love, devotion, or a listening ear. It does not text me to say hello, nor does it say, “I love you.” When God awakens me every morning in my beautiful home, my house never tells me good morning, greets me with a hello or says, “I love you.” Our material things don’t provide us with love, they fulfill a personal desire.

Love is a choice not an emotion. Many of you feel that love is based on how you feel, what someone does for you (the old love is action saying), what they offer, how they make you feel in bed, how they wine and dine you, how they spoil you or, pay your bills. Some feel you don’t choose who you love, but from my point of view that’s false. Just as you choose your car, shoes, who you have sex with, the food you eat, the people you interact with, the colors on your wall, and the brand of soda you drink, you choose who you love. Many would like to feel this isn’t the case since they think love is some type of fantasy or euphoric experience. Love is not a euphoric experience; euphoria is purely an emotion.

Some people even think sex and love is the same thing. Worse yet some of you don’t feel loved unless you are having sex. Love is not sex, and sex is not love. What someone causes you to feel is not love, nor is love what you make them feel. Love is not simply saying, “I love you.” In fact , I know that some of you have said “I love you” and knew you did not mean it when you said it. Love is not some game you play until you finally get it right,but a lot of people participate in this kind of behavior. Many are addicted to the feeling they think love brings or the fantasy of being in love.

Emotions were given to us by God to give us balance and protect us. Nothing is wrong with emotions, but when we make life- changing decisions based on emotion is a very dangerous act. Emotion is a tool Satan uses to pollute and destroy God’s purpose. Now ladies and gentlemen, think about how many men or women you have slept with on pure emotion. Be honest with yourself and judge yourself on the issue. You see, this is why we have so much pain from relationships and failures in relationships; we make decisions based on pure emotion! Emotion is something millions of people can provide for you, but very few maybe only one can truly love you. Millions of different people can make you sexually aroused, millions of people can wine and dine you, millions of people can make you feel good, millions of people can spoil you, but in so doing they do not love you. We go from relationship to relationship expecting a different result before we’ve even closed the door on the last one. No, love is not an emotion. We must search ourselves and learn that feelings can and will mislead you.

True love is based on unconditional love (a choice) and not emotion. Emotional love is based on the many conditions I’ve stated previously in this blog. We have to understand that when you make a choice to love someone it will not necessarily “feel good.” When you love based on a “feeling,” you’ll encounter trouble, won’t feel loved, won’t feel you are getting enough attention; you’ll get fed up with, not having your way and you’ll run for the hills looking for someone else. Why? Because you NEVER loved that person!

True love endures. Love is not a race it’s a marathon. Love is for the long haul; it’s not a 100 meter dash. Sadly, some of you treat love as such or you run from it with the speed of a sprinter. We live in a world where people are incredibly quick to give up on people. God is our example of love, and we should all follow. God has unconditional love for us; however, the church is notorious for operating in conditional love and I know this to be true first hand.

Some people love as long as someone is pleasing them or someone is doing what “THEY EXPECT.” As soon as something goes wrong they’re OUT!

We must understand that being “in love” and “love” are not the same things. True love is based on a choice, unconditional expression, and not simply on emotions. Being “In love” is based on emotions, how you feel, what you expect, what people do for you, sex, what people don’t do for you, looks, status, and euphoria. Being in love is not true love.

You don’t fall “in love,” you have to grow into love. Let me preface that statement by saying I believe every relationship must pass through the “in love stage”; however, it must grow beyond this stage for true love to develop. Relationships that fail to grow beyond this stage rarely last and usually turn into nothing other than sexual escapades, what I term “a low self –relationship.” This simply means that people often stay together because one or the other don’t want to be alone.

In Samuel 18:1-4 “When David had finished speaking with Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David and Jonathan loved him as his own life.” When someone loves you as they love themselves, they won’t do anything to you that they would not do to themselves.

Be encouraged, and if you don’t know how to love, simply ask God to teach you. And take action to learn too. Love is a learned behavior. I pray you all have been blessed. If this blog has been a blessing to you please share with your friends and comment below. Have you joined my exclusive group of thousands who have signed up for my FREE audio series? Sign up today HERE!

In his love, Quentin