We have seen plenty of lists of “Red Flags” for women, so I decided to write one for the men. Men have things we have to look out for as well. However, red flags do not mean that someone is a bad person. It just means they are human and need a little help to improve. We need to understand why people behave in certain ways and not judge them. We are deeply flawed in a variety of ways and we all need grace and love to become the best we can be for each other. Some women are genuinely good people, but still just not ready for a relationship. Seek to love her and not judge her.
Here are some red flags to look out for when considering a relationship with a woman:
1. Selfishness – People who are selfish should never attempt relationships because, unless they change, their relationships will fail. The opposite of selfishness is love. Love is the direct polar opposite of how selfishness operates. Love gives, but selfishness takes.
2. Unhealthy Insecurities – Insecurities make relationships worse, not better. So, if someone has deep rooted insecurities, it’s best to avoid a relationship until the root of problems is addressed.
3. Drug and Alcohol Abuse – I don’t drink or do drugs at all, but what we are talking about here is someone who can’t have fun without drinking and has an obvious drug or alcohol problem. Although you cannot have a healthy relationship under these conditions, it would not hurt to suggest help in a tactful way.
4. Anger Problems – Uncontrollable anger will always destroy a relationship. It’s very important that we all manage our anger in healthy ways. “Healthy” means the anger should not cause hurt, pain, or destruction. Anger problems are a cry for help. The key here is that she seeks help for her anger and roots out the causes. (Proverbs 22:22-25)
5. Attached – She is still holding on to her ex. I don’t think I need to elaborate here. Right?
6. Clingy and Co-dependent – This speaks to deeper emotional issues that have to be addressed. A woman should not expect you to meet all her needs without a commitment, especially early on. Only God can truly satisfy the soul of a human. (Exodus 3:3-4)
7. Dishonesty – Truth is important because it gives you a choice. When people lie it takes away our choice.
8. Over-dramatic – This type of woman usually lives on emotion, is insecure, and turns every minor problem into a major one. If you fail to do things the way she wants you to do them you will pay for your crime dearly.
9. Desperate or “Thirsty” – This type of woman will have the entire wedding planned before she even knows you. She will intentionally plan out how she will keep you and win your heart. Her goal is not a covenant marriage based on God’s word, but a wedding to fulfill her fantasy of being married.
10. Male Friends Only – She has no, or very few, female friends. Be very leery of women who say things like “Women are messy. So, I prefer male friends.” Although that may be true, in her mind, this thinking is mostly based on the types of women she has befriended. She usually likes sports and will not trip if you are playing your PS3, but you have to inquire about the real reasons for her lack of female friends and tendency to only have male friends.
11. Ms. American Express – This woman is all about material things. She will judge you based on your assets… what material things you have or don’t have. She believes a man’s value and worth is tied to his income and how much of it he shares with her.
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I am a female who tends to prefer male friends at the moment because I feel young women my age are loose and extremely petty and immature. It’s a bit unsettling to hear that this is a red flag. I hope in the future to have very close female friends, but the ones i have met so far have been jealous, selfish and backstabbers. Is this a valid reason? Would my Sig O still see this as a red flag?
Hey Kiki,
Go back and carefully read…it answers that question for you. I talked about your exact comments..most cases it’s a matter of things you need to work on within yourself and the type of women you are allowing yourself to befriend. Healthy female friends are important
Sister friends are very critical to a woman’s growth and survival. I have close brother/friends as well, and especially enjoy discussing with them different perspectives and life’s challenges. However, I have always had female friends to share, laugh and cry with over the years. Even if you have a negative experience with another woman disappointing you or even back stabbing you, you must put it in perspective and still try to establish and maintain female friendships. Cut loose anyone who is a hater and get with women who affirm you. Be willing to forgive and move forward. If you are not close with women your own age, you need to ask yourself why and get to the root of the issue. Perhaps the women in your family, mother, or even father planted seeds of negativity toward women, Jealousy and fear of rejection are often core issues. Older sister friends are a rich resource and can help you understand how to interact with other women. Be richly blessed!
I definitely read it a couple of times. I understand, but I meant to start a general conversation on this one point. There are many tomboys out there who dont fit in with the majority of females. I grew up as a tomboy and because of my parents’ strict rules I wasn’t allowed to go out with girls to the mall and the movies because they typically went off to mess around with boys. So growing up ,I was taught that although boys arent to be trusted because they only want one thing, I was advised more on females who would destroy you just because the guy they like has a crush on you or some other silly thing you cant control. I understand that this may be an issue to an extent, but I wouldn’t really consider it a red flag. I explained it to my bf and he is actually appreciative because he feels that female friends either try to give advice on how to keep the relationship (the typical “i don’t have a man but I always have advice on your relationship”) or the female friend that tries to steal him from behind your back 🙁
Then again I am only 23, I feel like there is definitely a new generation of males and females that have very little respect for relationships. I mean this in every aspect too: no respect for parents, friendships and relationships. It’s scary out there!
Then make friends with older women.
Very few of my female friends are my age, but truthfully, you will always face that issue if you choose to live for Christ. I had to pray for a female friend, and the Lord sent me one that I was close with for several years. God required me to end the relationship because she was too needy and refused to seek Him for herself. Now I have one close female friend that I pray with at least 3 times per week, and two others that I can chat with when I’m feeling girly. My relationships with men have waned as I’ve grown in Christ because I find that many are only nominal Christians or at least not as radical as I am… and that just won’t work. :-/
Thank you Alana
Yeah number 10 is up in the air. I grew up the only girl w/ 3 brothers. So, I feel comfortable around males & had plenty of male friends growing up. However, I do have female friends and yes I had to cut a few off for being messy. You are who you hang around, whether that be male or female.
My poor ex-husband… as devilish as he was, I know I didn’t make it easy on him with some of these characteristics I exhibited. I should probably call and apologize… but nah!!! He’ll be ok.
God has been faithful to keep me from drugs/alcohol, anger, and materialism, but I have SURELY dealt with the others. Honestly, I was a little intimidated to read this because I didn’t want to find something terrible about myself that keeps the fellas running from me. Aside from a little insecurity about the size of my thighs, I think I’m good. There’s NOTHING the love of my Heavenly Father can’t fix!!! (We still working on the thighs though… haha!)
Your blog serves as a practical checks and balances for my personal growth. Thanks again for another great read!
Alana
Only number that I believe is negotiable is number 10. I like sports and I don’t trip about men playing videos games. I have a good amount of female friends but my amount of male friends outweigh that so I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag. It’s something each man should gauge. She could seriously be a loner or just anti social. But everything else is accurate.
B Poppins,
I think you need to read #10 more carefully…I never said sports or video games was negative. I was explaining it is a positive. #10 is accurate no man will want or desire a woman with more male friends than female. Just like no woman will desire a man with 10 female friends and 2 male friends…..I think it’s more important for you to determine why you do and take a honest assessment. There is nothing wrong with male friends at all, but women need sisterhood just as men need other men to bond with. Read some of the comments…
In reply to No.6. I believe that ”A woman should not expect you to meet all her needs [PERIOD, WITH OR ] without a commitment”…
That even in a commitment…”Only God can truly satisfy the soul of a human.”
True, but you are being overly spiritual to something simple. Needs as in dating, communication, romance, support, encouragement, love, edify, prayer, open her door, being a gentlemen etc . We have human needs and we have spiritual needs and God gets it done through other people and his super natural wonders. What you are writing about is a woman who has emotional and co-dependency issues who maybe seeking to get those needs meet through men or relationships, because she lack those connections as a little girl. Even in those situations it takes a loving and supportive man or woman of God to help her see her flaws and lead her into the wonders of God’s healing power and his love. Thank you for your comment my friend.
Ok Mr. McCall, so I read the 11 tips that you had for us woman. Which made me look for the 11 tips that you had for men. I did this because I am far from perfect and I needed to know what it is that I may be doing . It does go both ways. I am so greatful for this blog. It brought out some points about myself that I need to change about me. Anger I am working on and I have come along way. I am still working on this. I am learning alot about myself. And the male friends. Although I have a lot of male friends, I don’t hang out with them much unless the man that I am dating comes also. I really need to question myself on why so more male friends then females. So again thank you for another Humble clot. It is recieved and respected.
Amnt sure if this is a guy thing ot not but,my bf says what you just said at 8 that,i like turning minor issues to major ones.I feel like men and women are different,people are different too,so i usually like to think that,my major issue could be ur petty issue and vice versa.
Am in 29 month old rship,spending time and communication from my perspective are big deals in rship .
My bf would hardly say a thing the wholeday,and when he does,he would probaly say “hey baby”,then maybe he will call me at night and say “am about to sleep” or he may not even call me.
I sometimes think that,me being mad at him has helped the rship alot since,he is progressing,but am just wondering,like whats up with his communication?If communication,is not a important ,maybe u could tell me what men want when they are in a rship?
@Sagie,
Yes that is minor it sounds like w/o the details it’s a communication issue. Try to discover the cause for his lack of communication w/o having an argument. Let him know how much you value him and the relationship….u also like at yourself and see what you can improve
Why isn’t “Clingy” on the 11 red flags for women? I think it’s one thing to note that men can be clingy- one who doesn’t want a life of his own or, makes his life, yours.
Sharp, Just not on my list…it can be your #12, but in all my years it’s not something must men do. If someone is clingy man or woman it speaks to deeper emotional issues that has nothing to do with gender.
I have some issues with #10 and the responses. At 31 I have 2 female friends and 4-5 close male friends, I don’t see why that would be a red flag! I made and still have lots of female friends from college, but now we’ve graduated and live all over the place with family and jobs, we keep in touch but they are not my core group of friends anymore. Those are the only girls who know me best, yet my sig o will probably not meet them anytime soon. Instead he will have to know my guy friends who i’ve known since highschool and the 2 girls who i go out with every now and again. You can’t just go out and meet new friends like suggested…at my age friends are already settled in their groups. I’ve tried to hang out with other groups of girls and it just doesn’t work out. I wish i had a group of close female friends, but i am content that probably won’t be happening and if that’s an issue then….
You can go out and make new friends age has nothing to do with it.. and you are a lot younger than I…I’ve make friends throughout my life …if you read carefully you will notice I stated it’s something up for discussion and maybe you using the term friend too loosely or confusing it with acquaintances. I will be addressing this more at a later date.
Powerful stuff.
This article is good… Is it ok to re-publish this article on my blog.. but rather than focusing on females only it should be on men ( i know for a fact, certain traits mentioned are also exhibited by some men).
I think its relevent to both female and male. It should be titled 11 things both sexes should look out for in a potential partner..
Regardless, it is well written and very applicable.
http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/
@Purpleicious there is a female version read here-> u can link back to my blog……..https://quentinmccall.com/relationship-advice-11-red-flags-women-should-look-for-2/ I don’t do battle of the sexes…I write about both, but not always at the same time..you should be spend time looking through over 80 blogs I have on here and you will see..thank you..